The Pitfalls of Weeping, Fibromyalgia, Grocery Shopping, More Weeping . . .  

Posted by Heidi in , ,

My house is a mess. This is mostly because we live here but it is also because we do wild and crazy things around this joint. For example, on occasion, we cook. (I am not exaggerating.) Sometimes I even get a wild hair where the sun don’t shine and I plan a meal that consists of more than one or two courses. When that happens, things pretty much go to heck in a hand basket and fast. The pots and pans are having a party on the counter, the silverware is scattered everywhere and the plates are fraternizing with the food! It’s down right scandalous.

But, before all of that can happen, I must first go to the grocery store for the purpose of acquiring groceries (I just threw that in there for those of you who are having trouble keeping up.) Now, grocery shopping and I are on speaking terms but we don’t do lunch, if you know what I mean, which really isn’t too hard when you think about it since one shouldn’t go to the grocery store on an empty stomach. I do enjoy the thought of well stocked cupboards but the pushing of the rapidly filling cart, the unloading of the cart onto the conveyor belt, the loading of the groceries into the cart again, unloading into the car, unloading into the house, putting it all away . . . it’s enough to make a grown woman weep. Which I do. Sometimes.

To take my mind off of weeping, I concentrate on loading my grocery cart the “correct” way. This is a system I devised after years and years of wringing my hands and, um, weeping. I place all of the non-perishables in the back of the cart. I place all the items that need to be refrigerated at the front of the cart. I toss, er, place the frozen items on the very top. The rotisserie chicken goes in the spot usually reserved for children. (Of course, when I had children in that spot, it made things a bit tricky. Now I just send them to school.)

What was that? Why rotisserie chicken? All I can say is that I watched my mother hack apart one too many chickens in my youth. Nothing, other than appropriate medication for the Big Guy, has caused me a more profound relief in my domestic life than rotisserie chicken.
What? Another question? Why do I load my cart in such an anal-retentive way? Because. Just because! The long answer is, however, if the frozen food goes on the cart last, that means it is on the conveyor belt first. If the frozen food is on the conveyer belt first, it ends up at the bottom of the cart on the way out to the car. If it is at the bottom of the cart, it is the last load to be placed in the car. Which means it is the first load to be removed from my hot sweltering car and put away. Next out of the car is the food that needs to be refrigerated. That being done, I have to stop and rest in order to have the energy to cook the food I just bought which means the non-perishables, which I have cleverly placed in the furthest reaches of the car, can just sit there while I take a nap.

I’m nothing if not efficient. Unless I’m weeping.
(Oh, and about the messy house--'nuff said.)

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5, 2008 at Friday, September 05, 2008 and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

5 wise, witty and wonderful comments

I need to confess as well that I am the same way. I have some weird grocery OCD myself. My husband hates shopping with me because it frustrates him so much. Mine is how it is loaded on the conveyor belt. I like all the fruits and veggies together. All the cans and dry stuff together. Cereal together. Paper stuff together. Milk/dairy stuff...etc. I like frozen with meat because I think the two can keep each other company in a nice hot car. Also, baggers are not as skilled as they once were, so I try to "guide" them (aka, passively/ aggressively make them) load my bags the way I want them to. I feel that this stuff may sound maddening but it really is what keeps me sane.

September 5, 2008 at 6:42 PM

I do most of my major shopping at a place that requires you bag your own groceries. What a relief! It really helps. Honestly, I would be so tempted to do it the way you do it if I wasn't already so exhausted by that point. I only go once or twice a month to save on time and gas money (of course there are the quickie runs to Safeway for bread, milk and ice cream, the most important staple of all).The meat and frozen stuff together is a very good idea. I'm going to do that next time. :)

September 5, 2008 at 8:06 PM

Heidi, even your shopping excursions are entertaining. I myself like to put things in the cart in an organized fashion. Or maybe more like I am putting together a jigsaw puzzle. I want things to fit naturally without needing to push shove or coerce but I am not above doing just that to make everything look like it was meant to be that way. If it is photo worthy I know that I have succeeded and it makes me almost smug when arriving at the checkout but then everything goes to heck in a handbasket. Things are almost thrown at the conveyer belt, (I like to give the baggers a challenge and usually at my store they are up to the challenge). Anyway that is what keeps me entertained while doing my most dreaded chore, grocery shopping.

September 6, 2008 at 12:46 PM

Don't we all have to have grocery store OCD to overcome the grocery store ADD? Right? Or is that just me...
Hilarious post--
Sometimes I make a whole meal too. And I have no idea why I haven't figured out I should wear an APRON in order to NOT stain ALL my clothes! Don't even get me started on the kitchen. Scariness...

September 6, 2008 at 12:54 PM

You ladies are right---grocery shopping is boring so we must invent ways to keep us sane while we are there. And about the apron thing, I think I have one somewhere . . .

September 6, 2008 at 12:56 PM

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