Wheat: The Staff of Life or Kryptonite?  

Posted by Heidi in

Dear Wheataholics Anonymous,

I fell off the wagon again last night, and big! I imbibed, er, ingested some pretzels, a whole slice of pizza and, gulp! a hefty piece of three (uneven) layer cake. Things were getting a little out of control, even, some would say, over-indulgent, before the party was over. And then, just before I went to bed, I took a fork to the remainder of the cake where it was cowering in the refrigerator. I didn’t eat the whole thing, but still, I woke up this morning feeling kind of woozy, a bit dizzy and most definitely spacey (well, spacey's normal).

I got up and stumbled to the scene of the crime, formally known as my kitchen. My family was sleeping the sound sleep of the dead/those who have tied one on. (Which they definitely didn’t. Unless they have some kind of problem with wheat, too, in which case, they definitely did). In my solitude, I surveyed the damage; half eaten pieces of cake (clearly, not mine) glued to their plates, about a pound of frosting slowly turning to cement in its bowl, crusts of pizza (I was bewildered--uneaten pizza crust simply does not compute) sticking up at odd angles all over the sink.

My body was giving me a message so I took a few moments to listen. How did I feel? Was the wheat hang-over I was experiencing this morning worth the madness and mayhem of last night? If I had simply bought a cake rather than constructing one, would I be feeling even the teensiest bit better now? Would I have even bothered to eat the store bought stuff, and if not, would I be feeling human now? Did my overall feeing of total annihilation have anything to do with the brutal three hours I spent yesterday with the Big Guy at his annual checkup? (more on that later)

As the day wore on, my throat felt tight and swollen. I ask you, was it the wheat or a virus? I grew sleepy and fell into a two hour drugged doze, the kind where you repeatedly half awaken and strain to open the eyelids but to no avail. Wheat or fatigue? I spent the day in a stupor, unable to have an intelligent conversation. Was this the ravages of wheat or parenthood? But wait! What about all the sugar that tags a ride with all things wheat? Could that be what was making it so hard to think all day?

Too many questions, so little active brain cells. All in all, I would have to say that a few hours of food-freedom probably wasn’t worth it.


At the same time, there are probably a few things I gained from this whole experience. At our house, we call them “pounds”.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 13, 2008 at Saturday, September 13, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

8 wise, witty and wonderful comments

I just love your blog, it completely cracks me up! I have a love/hate relationship with pretty much anything carb, but nowhere near the will power to do much about it. I don't understand leaving pizza crusts either my kids do it all the time...they are awesome!

September 13, 2008 at 6:56 PM

Christine, I blush to admit I thought, at first, that you were my cousin. Now I find I am cracking up two totally different and separate Christines. Yay! And, (still blushing) you are the one who awarded me by Briliante Weblog award of which I am very proud. And (the blushing is getting out of hand) I have yet to pass it on to five worthy recipients because I have been so busy baking cake. And eating cake. And recovering from cake. Urghhh!

September 13, 2008 at 7:03 PM

I think your cake looks very nice. At least you baked one yourself for your child, which I didn't do this year. I did make her a pretty cool castle cake last year, but this year I just bought one. Cooking one seemed just too exhausting. Oh, I will send you that cookie recipe. And I want yours. Greta is standing at the door begging to go to the store - I need to buy a hand mixer because I blew the motor on my old one. Oops.

September 13, 2008 at 7:32 PM

Falling off the wheat wagon, huh? Sometimes a good hangover is the best teacher (or so I hear!). Thanks for visiting my Mamma Mia blog. Turn on some Dancing Queen and go dance your pounds away! Your blog is great and I have added you to my blog roll!

September 13, 2008 at 9:50 PM

Kazzy--what an honor! Thank you! Jessica, yes, stay away from this recipe until your gestating child is at least three!

September 14, 2008 at 7:03 AM

I must say...I love reading your blog but your subjects are the best part. I think you should keep a running list of them because just the titles crack me up!

September 15, 2008 at 12:22 PM

Thanks Jen! I have to say thinking them up is usually the hardest part of a post. I'm glad that the exertion of my brain power is going to a good cause. :)

September 15, 2008 at 5:47 PM

Oh, and thanks for following my blog. The lack of interest was getting pretty darn humiliating!

September 15, 2008 at 5:48 PM

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