Thursday, October 30, 2008

You Know You're A Rotten Housewife When . . .


. . . . you break down and clean the bathroom prompting your son (the guileless one) to ask “Is someone coming over?”

. . . you don’t worry about cleaning the tub since your kid is just going to get it dirty when he bathes

. . . you rate cooking right up there with having a root canal or a weekend at Aunt Mabel’s and her 39 cats.

. . . you find solace in piles of unfolded laundry (yum, soft and sweet smelling!)

. . . you find furry things in your fridge on a regular basis



. . . your evergreen topiary looks like the top of Mt. Everest

. . . you smell a strange odor but don’t know where it’s coming from

. . . you smell a strange odor and don’t care where it’s coming from

. . . it’s been so long since you went shopping you are forced to switch the AA batteries from the TV remote to the VCR remote and vice versa every time you want to pause your DVD or turn up the volume (a common procedure amongst us oldsters)

. . . you would rather spend time rearranging the décor on your mantle than clean the house for the party looming in the near future

. . . you have to ask your husband to take a day off of work to help you clean a mere 1,000 square feet of space for the Halloween party tomorrow night

(Perhaps I would have come off smelling a bit rosier if I had referred to myself as a “domestic engineer". Then again, perhaps not.)
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25 comments:

  1. nevadanistaOctober 30, 2008 at 12:34 PM

    A woman after my own heart!

    ReplyDelete
  2. charretteOctober 30, 2008 at 12:35 PM

    Yep, I qualify...except for the cooking part. Cooking I can do.

    My kids now complain when we tell them someone's coming over because (and I quote) "No..PLEASE...does that mean we have to CLEAN?"

    Pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HillaryOctober 30, 2008 at 1:35 PM

    I was thinking that this morning as my husband was scrubbing the kitchen, I mean, scrubbung, sraying, moving things...... I felt like he was cleaning up after me!

    ReplyDelete
  4. *MARY*October 30, 2008 at 2:17 PM

    Are you writing a new book about me or something?

    ReplyDelete
  5. JlauricellaOctober 30, 2008 at 2:19 PM

    You are hilarious. I knew it was bad in our house when our baby started having dust bunnies in his hands from crawling around on our hardwood floors. Sad, sad state of affairs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. reed russellOctober 30, 2008 at 2:25 PM

    Party? What party?

    Must of lost my invite . . .

    ReplyDelete
  7. HeidiOctober 30, 2008 at 2:50 PM

    Wow, six comments to respond to --I guess I have been too busy cleaning house (ha ha!) Nevadanista, too bad we live so far apart, we could stare at each others mess. Charette--too bad we live so far apart. You could cook for us. Hillary--did you have to throw a tantrum to get him to do it (like I did? At 10:30 last night? I'm evil) Mary--you are too kind. Too bad we live so far apart because I like kind. Jen--that is the sad truth about hardwood floors. I love the image though! That baby is so adorable, only you would notice the dust bunnies. Rott Weiler--you are invited! It will be you and the Big Guy and his BFF, the Middle Child and her BFF and the Little Guy and his BFF (and some brave parents). Won't that be fun??? You can bring your BFF, too, if you want. What kind of dog is she?

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  8. Karen Mello BurtonOctober 30, 2008 at 3:23 PM

    I flip flop between having my kids have everyday chores so that they are not so traumatized each time I ask them to do something, and just concentrating them into a day a week so that they (and I) can have more free time. UGH! I do enjoy a clean house so much though...

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  9. ClaireOctober 30, 2008 at 3:28 PM

    I came by your blog via mormon mommy... I just loved your comment about the strange smell and not knowing/caring where it was coming from! Hilarious. I'm going to stalk you now and look through some of your other posts... until I'm put off by the whiff that's slowly beginning to overcome me in MY home...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Heather of the EOOctober 30, 2008 at 4:05 PM

    Miles has already asked me THAT question while I'm cleaning...

    mommy, who's coming over?

    Nobody honey, I just really like to clean.

    No, you don't.

    (I think if a (then)two year old knows this, I should probably just face it)

    ReplyDelete
  11. HeidiOctober 30, 2008 at 4:28 PM

    Heather--I suspect you are right. Kids know so much truth. Bummer. Claire--welcome and thanks for commenting on your first time around--you are so brave! I don't know why it takes so much bravery but apparently it does. Kazzy--kids do chores at your house? Wow! How cool would that be? And I am only being a tiny bit fecetious when I say that (because I have a real handicap when it comes to getting my kids to clean house--though they hall have done some work on their own rooms today. In fact, it turns out the smell was just a collective miasma of stale air. Who knew?)

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousOctober 30, 2008 at 6:12 PM

    Well, based on your criteria, I am the worstest, rottenest housewife there ever is or was. Oh, and the battery comment made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! (so true...so true...)

    ReplyDelete
  13. The NelsonsOctober 30, 2008 at 6:29 PM

    oo, i really don't like cleaning the tub. it's one of my least favorite chores.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The NelsonsOctober 30, 2008 at 6:29 PM

    oh, that and cleaning up after greta as we potty train her. only 7 accidents so far today...3 in the closet. i guess she needs her privacy, too. :)

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  15. HeidiOctober 30, 2008 at 7:30 PM

    Stacey, I was worried about that--I figured no one was as bad, oops, er, as relaxed as me about housework and that I was safe from offending anyone but I guess not. Sorry! Jessica--that Greta is a stinker! A cute stinker but a stinker, nonetheless. I have just one word for you---Nanny!

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  16. RBSOctober 30, 2008 at 8:40 PM

    You are so related to me. The more I hear the more I realize just how much comes down through the genes.
    Roxanne

    ReplyDelete
  17. HeidiOctober 30, 2008 at 8:44 PM

    I know. For example, when the Middle Child gives me that evil eye . . .

    ReplyDelete
  18. TheOneTrueSueOctober 30, 2008 at 10:00 PM

    Back when we had money we had a housekeeper who came twice a week to clean and put away the laundry. When she left it was always like a miracle - all of the clean laundry that had been piled up on the counter all week - GONE. Put away. MIRACULOUS.

    I still tear up whenever I think of her. (sob) ;>

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jess...October 31, 2008 at 3:37 AM

    I dub thee official housewife!
    very true and funny

    ReplyDelete
  20. Alyson | New England LivingOctober 31, 2008 at 8:00 AM

    So funny! And my kids ask me that first one all the time. haha

    ReplyDelete
  21. HeidiOctober 31, 2008 at 8:28 AM

    Sue? Cordy? (never mind) soon you will be rich enough to have someone come and fold your towels again--you are wayyyyyy too smart not to find an angle for that one. Jess--thanks! It might as well be official, even if I officially don't do the job. Alyson--I am glad I'm not the only one. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. UnknownOctober 31, 2008 at 9:15 AM

    BOO!
    Did I scare you?
    You have been Boo'd come pick up your widget from my blog!
    Happy Halloween

    The Power of Housewife Word of Mouth

    ReplyDelete
  23. HeidiOctober 31, 2008 at 10:56 AM

    Hey, thanks Christine!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kimberly VanderhorstNovember 1, 2008 at 1:10 PM

    Hee hee...we have just a FEW things in common here.

    ReplyDelete
  25. HeidiNovember 1, 2008 at 8:09 PM

    Kim, yes, I agree! hee hee

    ReplyDelete

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