I'm Not Crazy . . . Or Anything . . .  

Posted by Heidi in

(The Big Guy when he was just a little guy)
I have a serious crush on Tom Welling. This is (clearly) wrong for a number of reasons.

He’s quite a bit younger than I.
We only get together when he appears on my T.V. screen.
He’s very married. (The fact that I, also, am very much married is no impediment to our crushy union. Apparently.)

The truth is, I am way crazier about Clark Kent as portrayed by Tom Welling in Smallville than I am about Tom Welling himself. There are reasons for this. Good, strong, compelling reasons that contain only a teensy-weensy amount of “ick” factor.

He’s drop-dead gorgeous.
He fights against evil--with his fists.
He’s so doggone sweet and innocent-like.
He looks remarkably like (brace yourself for the “ick” factor) my oldest son (if my son’s hair were a smidge darker, his eyes a bit larger, and if he walked a bit less like a duck) (but really—the resemblance is remarkable!)

In my defense, I have to say that I am not the only one who thinks my big, strapping 20 year old looks like Tom/Clark. His middle school special ed teacher is the one who brought it up nearly seven years ago. Ever since, I’ve been dressing him in flag-red and royal-blue including the ubiquitous jacket-no-matter-the-weather which my son can never tolerate for long due to the copious amounts of body fat that keeps him pretty well insulated (so, okay, he outweighs Tom by at least 100 pounds, but one can easily overlook that fact when he’s standing sideways and sucking in his stomach.)

What gets me in the gut are the expressions. They have the Exact. Same. Ones. When Clark beedles his dark brow in righteous indignation or confusion (he’s gets confused a lot for a guy whose been around the block a few times but he looks adorable when confused so I care not), or when he is exposed to kryptonite/realizes he is actually bleeding, he has that adorable pained/confused look on his face, or when he is manfully trying to hold back a flood of tears—it’s my son up there---but with darker hair, bigger eyes and straighter legs (and a smidge less body fat).

My handsome, smart, developmentally/learning/emotionally disabled son is my Superman. He saves me every day by making me the person I am meant to become.

You know what gets me the most?

When Clark mourns that because of his differences, he will never have a normal relationship.

That he will never fit in or feel like he truly belongs.

And when he yearns for a home that he has never seen?

That’s my son up there on that screen.

My Superman.

And I mourn with him.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 26, 2010 at Friday, March 26, 2010 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

29 wise, witty and wonderful comments


That baby big guy is ablsolutely adorable! (The big big guy is pretty darned cute, too.)

March 26, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hey i do see a resemblance... and hey, who doesn't have a crush on Tom Welling... age differences aside :)

March 26, 2010 at 12:04 PM

I never watched Superman with Tom. I know. I'm so bad. But I know who he is. And yes, your big guy does look like him. (plus his baby picture is so super cute!)

March 26, 2010 at 12:51 PM

Wow, Heidi, since I'm new to your blog, I didn't see this originally. It brought tears to my eyes. He's a lucky guy to have you. I love this line: "He saves me every day by making me the person I am meant to become."

March 26, 2010 at 12:58 PM

Tom Welling is absolutely adorable. Does that make me a cougar?

March 26, 2010 at 1:08 PM

Sweet post. I know how much you love your son. (I am quite embarrassed to admit I don't know who Tom Welling is, but I will now be Googling him...)

March 26, 2010 at 1:19 PM

He really does look like Tom Welling!

And I loved this post. You are such a good writer, getting us all to think this post was about Tom Welling. And instead, I end up crying. Very poignant, and beautiful.

March 26, 2010 at 1:25 PM

This one choked me up again. The baby picture is adorable, and his smile in the second picture could stop even a bad guy in his tracks.

Thanks, friend. You and your big guy were meant to be.

March 26, 2010 at 1:54 PM

I used to LOVE Smallville! It got all weird-and sometimes I wanna watch so I can see Clark and Lois together, but it's been awhile since I've really watched it.

The comparisons you made between him and your son were sweet. And heartbreaking. What a great mom you are!!

March 26, 2010 at 2:39 PM

How is it you can be so funny and so heart touchingly poignant all in the same post?

March 26, 2010 at 2:59 PM

Great, thought provoking post. I wish I had your talent for writing.

March 26, 2010 at 7:55 PM

Oh, Heids. I hurt for you at the end of this. (Although I totally see the resemblance.) *hugs*

March 26, 2010 at 9:27 PM

For me it's whenever I hear Ariel sing "Part of Your World"...."I want to be where the people are..."
My Ashley is Ariel--she is as lovely and lonely as a mermaid out of water.
Did you read "The Carousel" on my new blog? I know you will relate.
Sharing your heartache,

March 26, 2010 at 10:07 PM

Exact ditto on Kimberly's comment. Love you, Heidi.

March 27, 2010 at 1:22 AM

You are one special mamma ... and what a lucky guy!

March 27, 2010 at 8:53 AM

I have to admit that I had to google Tom Welling...and how handsome is he!
And I love this post that actually ended up as a sweet tribute to your son. I totally get that. And I will be looking for that Smallville show now...

March 27, 2010 at 10:35 AM

Oh, Heidi. This was wonderful.

I know. I know. It's not your season to blog. But I'm going to say it anyway. I miss you!

March 27, 2010 at 12:38 PM

Oh I love it! What a sweet post and such a sweet big guy! He really is a handsome man!

March 27, 2010 at 2:20 PM

wow Heidi...I really liked that. You are so insightful.
I learn alot from you.
You always seem to see a BIGGER picture then the one that might be before you at THIS moment

March 27, 2010 at 7:07 PM

OH, and I think he looks alot like YOU

March 27, 2010 at 7:08 PM

I don't have the right words but I wanted you to know I read and appreciated this, very much.

Much love.

March 28, 2010 at 8:28 AM

It helps having cute kids, so that when they annoy you or you are frustrated because they have done the same thing for the umpteenth time, you can look at them and think....how adorable!

March 28, 2010 at 9:59 AM

they DO look alike - although I think your son's just a little more Super than Tom... at least he has a Super Mom :)

March 28, 2010 at 9:33 PM

What an exquisite little post about your big guy.

March 30, 2010 at 10:34 AM

Heidi, this is both funny and beautiful.

At the end I was becoming a total mushpot.

March 31, 2010 at 10:43 AM

You know this made me cry. Much love to you and your wonderful boy.

April 3, 2010 at 9:27 PM

Great post, Heidi. Thanks!

April 16, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Love to you and your handsome son!

April 16, 2010 at 11:49 AM

A lovely post that made me think both you and your son are very lucky in the mother/son relationship category of life.


April 23, 2010 at 12:10 PM

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