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A Guide To Eating Right For The Holidays (Right!)

Posted by Heidi in I'm going to tell you like it is

Just don’t. Eat, that is. Just eighty-six the whole idea. Yes, you heard me--fuggedaboutit! It’s the only way to avoid a tearful New Year's Resolution session on the first day of a long fattening year. If you MUST eat, just drag a bag of sugarless dry cereal around with you from party to party. Tie it, if you must, like a mealbag around your neck as you do your chores for non-stop grazing. However, if you find the idea of going without a single holiday treat for the duration of the season makes you want to pitch the Christmas tree off the side of a speeding boat whilst attached to your foot with a piece of thick rope, read on for a few helpful tips.

1. Whatever you do, do not adopt the philosophy that just “one cookie” (whether it be chocolate chip, sugar, in bar form or spitzed) “won’t hurt”. This is why: it’s a scientific fact that “one cookie” morphs into two (or four or nine or a baker’s dozen) as it slips down to your stomach. Clearly, this can be problematical, even undesirable, especially in light of the fact that your most ardent calorie counter is likely to lose track of the number of calories she is actually consuming when eating “only one” cookie.

But, wait! Before you resort to desperate measures such as dumping the cookie dough you are even now in the midst of whipping up, consider this: you can entirely avoid this major cookie pitfall by eating thirteen (but call it “only” a dozen). Why? Because it eliminates the stress of deprivation. Also, and I cannot stress enough the undeniability factor of this next point--it fills you up (especially if consumed whilst hot with a tall glass of milk). The result: you won’t be tempted to eat so much pie after dinner. It’s a good thing.

2. When it comes to any foods with sugar, oil, fat or grease, see above.

3. Ah, um, well, let’s see—yep, that’s all I’ve got.

Have a safe one, people! It's hecka dangerous out there!

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