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I Love My Dog But I Hate, um, Truly Dislike, No, I Was Right The First Time, Hate Yours  

Posted by Heidi in


Especially if you live across the alley from me and yours is the dog that barks incessantly in cold weather right into my bedroom wall. The one against which my head reposes. At night. Whilst I am sleeping. (Or, as is more often the case, during Christmas vacation when I am still sleeping at ten a.m. on a Thursday almost-afternoon.) I can’t tell you how much I want to throw a big piece of poisonened, er, bloody meat so you will just ut-shay up already!! (The dog, not the neighbor.)

Don’t get me wrong. I have my own dog, (a fact with which you are quite familiar unless you missed yesterday’s post which, according to one report couched in tender and euphemistic tones, was a post of alarming proportions, making it very difficult to miss) a most charming and well-behaved dog whose raison d’etre is to be charming and well-behaved whilst looking adorable and cozy in your now-warm lap. In fact, she is a lot like a cat except she comes when you call her and instead of incessantly licking herself clean she is more interested in licking you clean (though I can do without that part).

The point is, she doesn’t bark (and bark and bark and bark and bark and BARK!) And NEVER at night and rarely when outside and if she does, we drag her into the house (where she lives--with us--the rest of the non-barking dogs in the neighborhood) and if she even so much as looks at the cat (on the roof adjacent to us) cross-eyed, we give her a stern finger-shaking talking-to.

Just saying.

Um, so does anyone have any ideas as to how to deal with this barking dog situation (such as specific non-traceable poisons, er, discreet butchers) because it’s really ruining my vacation-sleeping-in-beauty-sleep. (I apologize if I have implied any kind of dog-owner superiority in this post. If any of you have an out of control barking dog, I still love you.) (Honest.) (And your little dog, too!)

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