Interview With A Nutrition Vampire  

Posted by Heidi

Photo of actual said cookies

I could do a better job of making sure my kids nutritional needs are met. I feel guilty about this, from time to time, and make a few feeble attempts but one can’t be perfect. An interview with a journalist, or someone who cared, might go something like this:

Q I understand that you are the mother of three, two teenagers and one in kindergarten. What do you do to make sure your kids stay healthy?

A Well, considering none of them were exactly born healthy, I can’t see how I could keep them that way. It would be impossible, really.

Q Let me rephrase the question, then. What steps do you take to insure that your children have a healthy upbringing? Are there certain foods that you don’t allow or insist that they eat?

A Oh, yes, of course! For example, I make my own chocolate chip cookies rather than feeding my kids the store bought kind that are full of preservatives. Sure, they have absolutely no redeeming nutritional value but you can’t have everything.

Q Well, that is certainly a good start. What else do you do to feed your kids right, more along the lines of food with nutrients as opposed to sweets?

A There are a few other things I do. In fact, my husband and I are very vigilant about checking out restaurants before we patronize them. There are websites you can visit that publish the health department records on each restaurant in your area. It lists violations, shut downs, and the reasons why.

Q That sounds very wise. So, you avoid the restaurants with bad records for the sake of your children’s health?

A Oh, definitely. We make a beeline for the fast food joint that has been shut down the least recently.

Q Er, well, that certainly seems like a good idea but what good foods do you feed your children?

A I’m pretty sure my 6-year old had a toasted cheese sandwich sometime in the last three days. He isn’t a very big eater.

Q Oh my! Does he eat anything else?

A Of course! Cold cereal (sans milks, he doesn’t like how it tastes), peanut butter crackers for lunch and a bowl of ice cream before bed. It sorta makes up for the fact that he doesn’t have milk on his cereal.

Q And . . . .dinner?

A That would be the toasted cheese sandwich, but not every night.

Q And the other nights?

A Like I said, he isn’t a very big eater.

Q Madam, do you truly feel that your young son is getting the nutrients he needs? I mean, I have seen your oldest son; clearly he isn’t suffering from lack of feeding, and your daughter, well, its touch and go, but your youngest? Surely you can do better than that?

A I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand the question.
And that's just about how it might go, should someone think to ask . . . .

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 4, 2008 at Sunday, May 04, 2008 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

6 wise, witty and wonderful comments

What a hoot you are!

May 4, 2008 at 3:33 PM

Thank you! Sad to say, it is all true. Peter has had a 102 temperature for four or five days and so he has eaten very little so that is what inspired the thought. Ordinarily, he eats a bit, but just a bit, more. :)

May 4, 2008 at 5:23 PM

Hmmmmmmmmmm those cookies look good!

May 5, 2008 at 8:41 AM

It's not surprising that you should say so since you at them all up.

May 5, 2008 at 12:11 PM

so glad this was your Oldie and Goodie... makes me feel that maybe I'm not the only mom whose kids are surviving on peanut butter (in a spoon - she doesn't like bread) and cheese (not together... though my son really liked that combination)

January 9, 2009 at 9:15 AM

SO SO FUNNY. I wish I had your wit and cleverness.

January 9, 2009 at 1:28 PM

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