Blogger Madness: Like Reefer Madness Only Dopier  

Posted by Heidi in

Recently, I passed my five-month mark of becoming a full-time blogger. Or any time blogger. Is there such thing as a part-time blogger? I don’t know . . . Anyway, my life has changed in a number of ways as a result of this new occupation. (I don’t get paid but since it most certainly occupies my time, I think it qualifies as an “occupation”.)

One of these major changes is the conversation between The Spouse and myself. No more litanies of grocery store encounters (I’m in too much of a hurry anymore to chat at the grocery store—now it’s, Excuse me! or I’m in a hurry! or Get OUTTA the WAY!), or dialogue having to do with the children and their needs. Lately he pretty much has to pick up on these things on his own. This hasn’t been much of a problem as over-long, jagged hair, bloody gums and failing grades have a way of announcing themselves.

No, no, these days, when The Spouse and I have a moment to chat (usually whilst I am busy getting the face ready for nightly retirement and he is occupied drooling on his pillow) it goes something like this.

“Hey, remember that mysterious visitor from Small-but-uppity-city, the one I couldn’t figure out how she found me? (They are always she).

Pause. “Umm, yesssss,”

“Now, remember I told you about that new follower who yada yada yada?”

“Er, I guess so . . . .”

“Turns out she’s one and the same!”

By this time The Spouse is catching on that the conversation is taking on momentum and he will have to pay more attention if he is to feign any interest at all whatsoever. He sits up, plumps his pillow and settles in for the long haul.

“Umm, neat,” he manages to say with a semblance of sincerity. “Is that So-and-so from Such and such blog?”

“No! You are thinking of Whatshername from that blog that is all about this-and-that.”

“Oh, yeah! That blog! I thought Thisandthat’s blogger lived in Such-a-state.”

“She does. But you’re thinking about Whosit. She lives there, too.”

“I thought Whosit lived in MormonCapital of theWorld.”

“No, now you’re thinking of Gobbledegook. Or Jabberwocky. Or maybe Snicker-Snack. Hmmm, do you mean the one that is doing that project . . . Spouse?”

But by that time The Spouse is usually sprawled back on his pillow, softly snoring.

This is the point where I congratulate myself because The Spouse sometimes has trouble sleeping (we don’t often talk about the five years of insomnia) and, hey, he wasn’t really listening, but he’s asleep so it’s a good thing. Right? Right? Sigh . . .

(Is it any wonder I look for validation from strangers?)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 30, 2008 at Tuesday, September 30, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

18 wise, witty and wonderful comments

So, are you saying your blog discussions are working as sleeping pills? A little Blog-quil (NiQuil)? Well, that's good that it serves both you and him so effectively! :)

September 30, 2008 at 5:55 PM

Wow, I am pretty sure I have had that exact conversation....isn't it funny to be drowning in the blogpool....and be completely okay with that?

September 30, 2008 at 6:02 PM

Kazzy, in a word. Yes, and in a few more words, for further edification, it doesn't matter what I talk about, it puts him to sleep. The insomnia prob has been much better since we discovered this. Christine--I like your new ID pic! Yes, it is funny to be drowing in the blog pool--as opposed to a real pool. That would just be a drag.

September 30, 2008 at 6:47 PM

Hey, I live in Small but Uppity City! Is there some mormon lady blogging in my town? Because I swear, everyone at church is being very TOLERANT of me and the way I always talk about Segullah and what I read on some blog.

But don't tell everyone where I live now. I have CHILDREN who to go JUNIOR HIGH and I like to blog about my housekeeping mishaps. Mom, you're so embarrassing..

September 30, 2008 at 6:53 PM

m'dear, you need to put up links directly to where I buy your book on Amazon, Overstock, Target, and Half,com right now.

Because right now I'm leaving the desk to go wash dishes, because doing a search requiring effort knocks down the priority of things I want.

Scientists have studied, and this is typical computer user behavior. More people will buy your book if you cut out some of the steps for them.

September 30, 2008 at 6:59 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
September 30, 2008 at 7:01 PM

Johnna, I assure you, I have no clue who you are. Does that make you feel better? Unless of course, you JUST changed your ID pic. Hmmmm. Anyway, you can live in an uppity city without being uppity--I hope you don't feel accused. Oh dear, I shouldn't have used a real example in that there post, huh? But, I have to tell you, I was thrilled to make a connection because I get obsessed about my visitors and where they are coming from and why, for freakin's sakes! Why are they reading my blog? I want people to read my blog but I often don't see the appeal. I'm glad it is appealing to a few. Anywho, Yes, I do need to add links. One reason why I don't is because the book store owner I am trying to set up a signing with might not want to do it if he isn't going to sell any books because everyone already bought it online. I have heard it said that this drives book store owners crazy. And two, Barnes & Noble hasn't listed it yet and they are cheaper. So, I guess I figure I am trying to do something nice for everyone. Lastly--if you click on my book cover, it will take you to the library of congress listing of my book and RIGHT THERE (to the right)on that same page is the link to my book on Amazon (see-it's kinda undercover but that's why it says Order My Book right under the picture).

September 30, 2008 at 7:32 PM


Sunday, you grade your party an F for want of adult beverages.

And today we have reefer madness.

Only dopier.


September 30, 2008 at 11:12 PM

Rott--the mystery deepens . . .

October 1, 2008 at 6:59 AM

Sigh... I am from an uppity and small town. I found your blog posted on a list. That made me feel like you wanted visitors from strangers and I like to meet new people.

October 1, 2008 at 7:52 AM

Karolynn--I live in an uppity small town, too. But I wasn't talking about you (or me)--sorry if I offended you. And YES I do want all sorts of people to read my blog. I want hundreds of thousands of people to read my blog (is that too much?) and I love that YOU read my blog. I appreciate your comments, etc. I should have been more vague in my post. Mostly, I was just trying to say that I babble on and on about the people who visit my blog. And it's all good things--I have nothing bad to say about any of you. You are all awesome! Yay!

October 1, 2008 at 8:22 AM

Hey, I grew up in Davis. It doesn't get any smaller and uppitier than that. (Who wants to be the spell check says uppitier isn't a word.)

It's a running joke between my husband and I that whenever he has a hard time falling asleep I just need to start talking about feelings and goals. He is out like a light. I never try it while he's driving though. That could be very, very bad.

October 1, 2008 at 12:14 PM

"who wants to bet"

October 1, 2008 at 12:16 PM

Hee hee! That's so funny! I have to be careful not to talk too much in the car, either. It's just the sound of my voice, it doesn't really matter what I'm talking about.

October 1, 2008 at 2:31 PM

ya know Heidi, it could mean that your voice is so soothing that he can't help himself, he is just rocked to sleep by the rhythmic sound of your vowels and consonants. I am voting for that because anything else might make you feel bad and that would not be good.

October 1, 2008 at 4:25 PM

Yes, Roxanne, you are probably right. He also often falls asleep whilst rubbing my back BUT that one never works when he has insomnia, for some reason . ..

October 1, 2008 at 4:34 PM

Heidi, Even I know who Johnna is. She's a fellow Open Mormon.

And Small but Uppity City = P.A.

Hmmmm ... the mystery deepens.

October 1, 2008 at 8:09 PM

"Fellow" Open Mormon? What does this mean? Did you know her when you lived in S? Not far from P.A. . . .

October 1, 2008 at 9:15 PM

Post a Comment