Googlers Say The Darnedest Things  

Posted by Heidi in

Where is everybody? Voting? Trick or treating? Carving pumpkins? It’s a little early for those things. Should I assume the lack of interest in my blog is personal? It’s okay. I’m only crying a little bit.

So, for those of you who are actually here right now and who might not be aware, there are those who actually plan to come to my blog (and actually read it) and those who stumble in completely unawares. Often these people are googling something entirely unrelated and come up with my blog as a result of their search which is no doubt a real bummer for them but a source of delight for me since some of the search words are so far from anything I meant to say (though, no doubt said it anyhow) while some are just so darn revealing of human nature. These are the fun search words from the month of October.

Mormon you’ve been boo’d. As opposed to the non-Mormon you’ve been booed? How are they different? Enquiring minds need to know.
Obsessed with finding an illness. Me too, but not so much since I quit my day job.
Airport security, chocolate. My favorite kind of combo--chocolate and anything.
Knowledge never ends. That’s assuming you had some to begin with. Which this person clearly is assuming I do. So, thank you! I think.
Chic Miniature blogspot. Tiny but chic blog or blog about chic minis? Either way, it tickles me.
Husband has no parenting skills. Whoa! You are barking up the wrong tree, here!
Caleb Baldwin, Mormon. Yes he was. And is. This is my nephew’s name but more importantly, it is the name of my illustrious ancestor who, 150 some years ago, hobnobbed with Joseph Smith and acted as his scribe whilst in Liberty Jail. (I am Baldwin! Hear me roar!)
How wide is the Mississippi. This one comes up over and over and over again, mostly from foreign countries. What they don’t know is that we citizens of the U.S. know less about our own geography than you people in Macedonia. Yep. Macedonia. That’s in Greece. (Or Greece is in Macedonia. Right?)
Feet in the face. Such a common dilemma.
Cutie patootie mother of the bride dresses. Personally I would prefer the elegant kind but don't mind me.
How to make Twilight dolls? As if!
Dunhaven clothing. I had no idea. I’ll have to get me some of those.
Are funny people smart? I don’t know. I am too busy trying to be funny to figure it out.
Bike stealing. I plead the fifth.
Young and tender. And we’re talking about what here? Never mind, don’t answer that.
Where does breaking dawn take place? This one comes up again and again and again. I don’t understand why they want to know the location of Breaking Dawn and not Twilight, or New Moon or Eclipse. Since I haven't read it yet, I suspect there's something I don’t know such as, Steph Meyer discovered there are other states than Washington. Wait! Don't tell me! Edward and Bella move to Utah and set up house next door to Tamn. Bwaaaahhhhaaahhhaaaa!
Bichon Superman. Since Tom Welling as Superman and my bichon are two of the cutest things on earth, this could be a killer combination. One can’t blame this googler for hoping.
Long hair and full lips. Clearly not me. Mine are age-deflated.
Is there wheat in alcohol? It would explain a lot.
Seven sisters shoes. Another one that comes up often and often. I suspect in this case someone is using this combo to actually find my actual blog in an actual way. Actually. Cause I have seven sisters and I posted a picture of our seven shoes. And it was cute and memorable. Obviously.
How to train an eyebrow hair. Or One eyebrow higher than another. Again, a common one. What can I say? Ever since I posted back on day three of my blog about my iconic eyebrow (it’s actually ironic but since I compared mine to Spock’s, it’s also iconic)I have been persecuted by those who want to know all about eyebrows. I think there is a cautionary tale in there somewhere.
Emotional gagging. Is possible?
Jami L_________ blog. I’ll bet they were pretty disappointed when all they got was mine.
Dead bride outfit. Gotta love it.
I hate crunchy peanut butter. Me too, but that's the point.
When should you not feed a gremlin. Because if you feed it at the wrong time, (or at all) you get "the Big Guy".
Drunk gal. Please, nobody call my bishop.
Woman in white car “report”. There’s nothing official here. It’s all “off the record” or “off her rocker”, whichever.
Does Tonner still make Tiny Kitty? I don’t know but if not, I have one I can sell you, cheap.
Puffs Plus. I should probably be compensated by Puffs for all my free advertising. Anybody have their number?
Vampire room miniature. Never done one but it sounds like a good idea. You know, in light of. (Are you going to make me say it?)
Mormon celiac. Is there something I should know?
Did a king and queen live in Cooling Castle before. Before what? I guess I’m going to have to google that one myself because now I gotta know!
Grooms outfit pink. Ouch!
Is there any way to soothe my burning face? Honey, I don’t know, why don’t you ask your mother?
(This just in right before I posted) Surely all people deserving of fire must have visited this place where all and nothing can be found. What is this place? Whoa! Profound! And can I say?—a bit incomprehensible.
Makes my mind go blank. Ah! Now, this time they came to the right place.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 29, 2008 at Wednesday, October 29, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

27 wise, witty and wonderful comments

Those are hilarious. You much have some interesting previous posts, lol.

October 29, 2008 at 12:04 PM

Wow, I have NEVER got such interesting google searches to my blog. Awesome.

October 29, 2008 at 12:09 PM

So creative!

I've only been searched out as "nouveau-riche-mormon"

Thanks for dropping by, now that my place is actually warm. :)

October 29, 2008 at 12:53 PM

NR--mine is still cold. Dang! Thanks Jen and Johnna--they are all true, none of them made up. (I do sometimes make things up. I do. I know. It's bad.)

October 29, 2008 at 1:00 PM

Right now 7 of my top 10 google searches are funeral related! So sad, but has been par for the course this year. (Ever since I put up that list of funeral scriptures.)

October 29, 2008 at 1:37 PM

Oh dear! It kind of stinks, doesn't it?

October 29, 2008 at 1:39 PM

These are too funny. I still haven't allowed search engines to find my blog, but I think I'll go enable it, just for laughs.

October 29, 2008 at 1:49 PM

Laughs are worth much, especially the $6.95 a month I pay for my sitemeter account which is where I get the google search word info. Just saying . . .

October 29, 2008 at 1:58 PM

I disabled Google from searching my blog, since I kept getting phrases like "11 yo girl" over and over and OVER. Man, that creeps me out!

October 29, 2008 at 2:13 PM

Stacey--Ick! (I can say that now, cause I just figured out what 11 yo girl means yet embarrassed to say how many seconds it took--like, a long time! Too long!) I'm guessing you have an 11 year old girl. Funny, I don't get anything like that . . .but I don't blame you for being creeped out.

October 29, 2008 at 2:22 PM

What a genious idea....after staring at my sitemeter for hours at a time....I need to keep track of my odd searches, because there have been crazy ones, but I never thought to post about it. Thanks Heidi for my afternoon giggle.

The Power of Housewife Word of Mouth

October 29, 2008 at 3:01 PM

Christine, I look forward to reading about your crazy searches. : )

October 29, 2008 at 3:41 PM

LOL Dead bride outfit? I like to look at the searches that bring people to my blog too. It is a funny study. My blog comments have been at a slow pace too. Maybe I have run my course... :)

October 29, 2008 at 5:15 PM

Kazzy, I am glad to hear it isn't just me--maybe it is because of all the Halloween preps. Also, people might be busy reading the blogs that are talking about politics. Sadly, the whole thing just bores me. (gasp! so unpatriotic, I know!)

October 29, 2008 at 5:32 PM

I am still getting about fifty hits a day for that lice post. And then all the k!nky stuff. (I swear: I'm a good girl, I am!) It boggles the mind what people google.

October 29, 2008 at 5:56 PM

Hey, this it totally unrelated to this post, but I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my photography blog and for complimenting my work. That always means a lot to me. And yes, Santa Fe and Mineral are in south Littleton.

October 29, 2008 at 7:33 PM

Jami--one question, should I blog about lice? hee hee
Melissa--I knew I had been there! For those of you reading this who live in the Aurora/Littleton/Centennial area of Colorado (or beyond)please do check out her blog and her work--I wish I could have her do our family photo--I think she could make something of even the Big Guy!

October 29, 2008 at 8:10 PM got some weird ones!

My best? "How to rule the world with jello."

Good luck topping that one. Oh yeah.

October 29, 2008 at 8:42 PM

Kim, no contest! Wouldn't it be great if you could? Rule the world with jello? But only if you knew how and know one else did. Which is why people need to keep such top secret info off their blogs (shhhhh!)

October 29, 2008 at 9:09 PM

Oh man, I laughed out loud a few times :)

October 29, 2008 at 9:41 PM

Those are so funny. I purposely avoid those types of things myself, but I do love reading those. So funny!

October 30, 2008 at 10:05 AM

Nevadanista & Eowyn--thanks for the positive feedback---I'm kind of lame and desperate that way.

October 30, 2008 at 11:27 AM

I have no idea what might be going on behind the scenes at my sitemeter, no lists of google searches, nada. But I'm delighted to read YOURS. (And Kimberly's! Haha)

But I did run into a lady at the gym who told me "I get those things from your blog." You mean my FEED? Funny. Isn't it strange that we're somehow more comfortable having total strangers read us than people we casually know?

October 30, 2008 at 12:10 PM

This is funny and so entertaining. I say you list a list of 2008 in review best searches for Dunhaven Place!

October 30, 2008 at 2:24 PM

The hardest part about having people who know where I live read my blog is that I have to be really careful about what I poke fun at. I am always the safest subject. Good thing there is plenty of material, there. :)

October 30, 2008 at 2:32 PM

Very funny. Some of those searches are so interesting.

October 30, 2008 at 2:38 PM

Jen--you think? And I did another list today--maybe I should just be the list lady, huh? I am good at making lists, even house cleaning lists. I'm just not good at crossing things off. Oh, how I long to cross off all the things on a list! NATA--thanks for visiting--I redid my template and lost some of my blog roll and you don't have followers so I haven't been keeping up with you. But now I can-yay!

October 30, 2008 at 2:42 PM

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