An Amusing Anecdotal Look at Stranger Danger  

Posted by Heidi in

You are parked in the neighborhood adjacent to the elementary school waiting for the bell to ring for the privilege of claiming your kiddio, (then dragging him around the grocery store, making him a snack then spending the next hour attempting to get him to do his homework—ALL privileges) when a strange man (as in “stranger” as in, you have never seen him before) with an ingratiating smile walks up to your car and appears to want to make contact with you. Do you . .

A) Turn up the radio and press your seedy paperback to your nose to make it clear there will be no conversation betwixt yourself and the ingratiating (read: suspicious) smile.
B) Warily roll down the window, stick your chapped lips through the opening and ask what is wanted.
C) Open the car door and say Hi.

Assuming you went with either answer B or C, when he asks if you are Helen Grossly (name changed to protect, in this case, the incredibly guilty and, come to think of it, me should she ever get wind of this) do you say

A) “No!” then roll up the window so rapidly your already chapped lips are in danger of getting caught, cracking open and bleeding all over the upholstery.
B) Sense no danger, keep the car door open, chuckle to yourself because you know just exactly what “trouble” Helen Grossly is, (or was, back when she played you like a violin resulting in dollars like liquid notes of pure loveliness floating from your hand to hers), and say, “No, I’m Heidi Ashworth but I know who she is. We do resemble each other and she does have a van like mine, only bluer and newer.”
C) Shout, “Are you whacked? The girl is at least 15 years younger than me and 50 pounds lighter and even though her car is newer and bluer and has no dents or scrapes, she is not exactly what you would call upper (ish) middle class, such as moi.” You then pop the car door into his knees, hard, then close and lock it as you watch him double over in pain and limp away.
When he comes back and asks to see your I.D. “just to be sure”, do you . . .

A) Say, “La, sir! I am an innocent woman! Now get thee hence!”
B) Once again open the car door as wide as it will go, pull out your purse, pull out your wallet, hold all within proximity of his itchy hand and show him your I.D.
C) Start the car, run over him, put the car in reverse and run over him again, “just to be sure”.
(Assuming you didn't choose C on the last question) When, after he has retreated to his own vehicle for a while only to once again re-emerge, do you . . . .
A) Finally gain some common sense and drive away.
B) Give him the evil eye through your grimy window as he moves past you and stealthily on towards the school.
C) Before he gets away, once again open your car door and say “She has really super long straight dark brown hair and she always pulls into the driveway in front of the school where her kids are usually waiting right by that sign over there,” all the while thinking about those long-gone dollars that went to wipe her simulated crocodile tears and ease her phony pain.

How did you do on this test? Check back later to see how I did! Also, I might tell you about Helen Grossly, only, I really don’t like to gossip but perhaps it is wise to share my info. Just as a public service, doncha know. (Her name is changed, after all.) (Honest.)
(sorry about the weird spacing in this post--I tried four times to fix it but the *&(##^%+! (french for Dashboard Editing Tool) wouldn't save my changes--argh!)
UPDATE: My answers were C, B, B & C. Thank goodness he meant me no harm (his intention was to serve papers to "Helen Grossly") so I am alive to tell the tale. Obviously, the safe answers would have been all A.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at Tuesday, October 28, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

9 wise, witty and wonderful comments

Sometimes I get a creepy feeling, but I always find myself talking to strangers, I think I would fail your test. Can't wait to see your results!

October 28, 2008 at 2:26 PM

Yes, you and me together, Kazzy. Thanks for your comment. I guess I won't be writing a follow up on this gal. Can you say SNOOZE?

October 28, 2008 at 6:04 PM

Hello! I'm Meemo and I just started an advice blog. If you have ever wanted to ask someone for advice, but didn't know who to ask, then you should visit my blog where everyone gets their questions answered from someone with a different perspective. Come take a look!

October 29, 2008 at 7:01 AM

Hey! I thought for sure you were that chick!

October 29, 2008 at 9:02 AM

Oh my, that's really freaky!

October 29, 2008 at 9:09 AM

Roy--ha ha! Kim--thanks for taking pity on me in my comment-less (almost) state and er, um, meemo--hey, I got my first spam comment. Does that mean I have "arrived". woo hoo! (tho, probably, not)

October 29, 2008 at 9:26 AM

What a strange experience. At least you were in a public place with lots of other people around.

Although now you have me curious.

October 29, 2008 at 11:53 AM

Heidi you are such a trusting soul. Never, and I mean never show your ID to a stranger. Even if he is a nice looking stranger. You owed him nothing. I am sorry that I am so forceful but sometimes those server people can be so arrogant and annoying. I had one come to my door I told him my last name and he insisted I take this paper he kept shoving at me. I asked who it was for and he refused to tell me. He finally sat it down on my porch. When he left I looked at it and it wasn't even for anyone in my house. What a jerk.

October 29, 2008 at 7:13 PM

Eowyn--curiosity was the intention but alas, there was very little of it (though you are by no means of no account). Roxanne, you are entirely right. I totally failed the test. It was broad daylight and we were within view of many people but who knows what he could have done if he wasn't really there just to serve papers. I am kind of amazed that I was so darn trusting. However, knowing what I know about "Helen Grossly", I was 99.999999% sure what he really wanted. And it wasn't me.

October 29, 2008 at 8:14 PM

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