Being Prepared Can Sink Your Battle Ship  

Posted by Heidi in

Yesterday I wore nylons to church. Nylons being sadly out of fashion notwithstanding, I wore them (actually, I only thought about it---in the end, I couldn’t find them) and wearing them (or, rather, thinking about wearing them) made me think of the time that my oldest sister decreed (older sister’s can’t say much of anything without it sounding like a decree to us lowly, er, younger sisters—there are seven of us girls in my fam, most of them older than moi, so I know of which I speak) that if you have an extra pair of pantyhose in your drawer, sure as shooting, you will run the ones you are wearing.

Of course, she said this back in the day (meaning, pre-industrical strength nylon) when running your pantyhose was about as likely as running to the dessert buffet at the church Christmas party (something I witnessed in all it’s glory Saturday night and should have been part of instead of only watching since I got left with the mere dregs of this incredible desert for which I have no name except “The best thing I’ve ever tasted at a church Christmas party buffet”) in other words, highly likely.

It is for this very reason that I hesitated to filch the Marc David sunglasses the summer before last when I found them sitting on lonely bench by the San Lorenzo river. I already owned a pair of perfectly serviceable sunglasses and was wholly aware of the fact that every time I had upgraded said sunglasses, one of the two were almost instantly incinerated (only, not in an incinerator or even by actual fire. Yet, pretty much that instantly). That’s why, when the Marc David’s went missing, I wasn’t too surprised to find them on the floor of the garage looking like this:

Nothing beside remains (extra points to those who can identify the poem that line comes from--one of my all time faves).
Meanwhile, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

P.S. I was engaging in the total narcissistic activity of browsing the net about Miss D and found that someone made a comment about her (Miss D—my book—sorry if I am confusing any newbies—Miss D in my mind is a living entity—crazy, I know!) and someone’s comment was just so surprising, I had to share. “saw the movie—loved it—I’m sure the book will be better.” Bwwwaaahhhaaahhhaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This entry was posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 at Monday, December 15, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

26 wise, witty and wonderful comments

Murphy's law ALWAYS the case.

Too funny, did you know they'd made a movie of your book? Your for sure the most famous person I've never met IRL...

December 15, 2008 at 11:29 AM

The way it's going, I'm turning out to be the most famous person *I* know--(JK)

December 15, 2008 at 12:01 PM

You've been holding out on totally have a movie deal, and someone got a sneak peek! Hee hee. Don't people know that the book usually comes BEFORE the movie?

Also, the nylon rule is true as anything. That's why I stopped buying 3 packs. 1 pack lasts much longer. (And black nylons aren't out of fashion, are they?????)

December 15, 2008 at 12:18 PM

My cheap sunglasses always last years longer than nice ones I might invest in. I have since given up on having any nice ones.

December 15, 2008 at 12:28 PM

Halt! Stop what you're doing!

Your two days are up, Missie.

December 15, 2008 at 2:16 PM

I always get runs in my nylons. Sigh.

That comment someone left about Miss D. is hilarious!

December 15, 2008 at 2:30 PM

Oh that's just too funny!

December 15, 2008 at 2:30 PM

Lara, I am so unfashionable, what do I know, but I would call black nylons "tights" which is pretty much what everyone around here wears if they wear anything (er, on their legs), Becky, so glad to know this is a global problem (or at least national), Shower Police--you had me going for longer than a few seconds but I figured it out--and you are so darn funny! Love you!--Erin, yes, hilarious and unaccountable and oddly worrisome, Kim, love the new profile photo!!!

December 15, 2008 at 2:40 PM

I need to adopt your rule when it comes to purses. Why do I need so many of them. I think I just appreciate cool design, so if I find one that looks really retro or chic I feel like I HAVE to have it.

Is the poem by Percy Shelley?

December 15, 2008 at 2:44 PM

I sure hope you're right about knowing who the shower police person is.

December 15, 2008 at 2:56 PM

Haha. I have the exact same sunglasses problem. Maybe the kids couldn't step on/sit on/eat them if I actually put them away somewhere safe. Instead of the floor of the minivan.
Can't wait to see your movie!
I own black tights. They don't run and you don't need to shave. AWESOME.

December 15, 2008 at 3:37 PM

Kazzy--I should have known you would know--swak! Roy-boy, so do I!(but I'm pretty darn sure--I mean, really? Who else would have a user name like that? And say what he said?) Megz--black tights--you-me--totally eyeball to eyeball. I love them so much for all the stated reasons that I also have chocolate brown (the best brown ever) and olive green, though I don't wear the green too often. Oh, and navy. Those see the light of day maybe once a year (it's usually too hot around here by the time one wants to wear navy).

December 15, 2008 at 3:53 PM

I have the solution to the sunglass dilemma. I have about 5 pairs of the same ones. They are all from Dollar Tree!. I love them and they last forever!!! The first pair lasted over a year. Personal best for me for owning a pair of sunglasses.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a shout out. Always fun to find another Heidi out there.
Just a side note, I was actually raised in San Francisco. I lived there from ages 3-20. My mother still lives there so I visit once a year or so.

December 15, 2008 at 4:23 PM

It WAS a fantastic movie. You should rent it on NEtflix.

I bought your book on Amazon, and to rationalize it, I am going to give it to my sister for Christmas! And then, require her to lend it to me!

(am evil genius)

December 15, 2008 at 4:59 PM

Heidi--I'm with you, for some the cheapies just don't get lost or broken like the expensive ones do, (tho, this is where I point out that I filched the nice ones for free from a lonely bench by the San Lorenzo river) and how cool that you grew up in San Francisco! I am actually east of Walnut Creek . . just a little bit . . . Kelly! I love your evil genious! Just love it! As I love all things about you, including your sparkly-rhinestone-ate-too-much-almond-roca jeans.

December 15, 2008 at 7:09 PM

BTW, Beeswax, you could always read it first, even if it is a Christmas gift. *Especially* if it is a Christmas gift. This I know because I have done so and no sky fell. Is true.

December 15, 2008 at 7:10 PM

I read about your book on line and ordered two of them. One for my daughter at BYU and the other for those of us here in AZ. We are huge Jane Austen fans and so can't wait to see what happens when she meets Wodehouse et. el. But now I am thinking we should have just gone to see the movie! :-)

December 16, 2008 at 7:00 AM

Joy--thank you! How nice of you to stop by and share that thrilling info! Made my day!

December 16, 2008 at 7:11 AM

I heard about your book on Becky Irvine's blog. We are always looking for good romance novels--especially at Christmas time. It sounded like so much fun, I couldn't resist buying it!

December 16, 2008 at 9:36 AM

Joy--thanks for filling me in. Becky-well done! I can now increase Becky's diet from bread and water to include an occassional piece of rotten fruit. See how great it is to slave, er, work for me? bwahhhahhaaaaa!

December 16, 2008 at 9:48 AM

If I dont' read romance, will you still love me?

I will add that to my list though. I will get to it, after I graduate probably. I am trying to make time to read. But I do want to read it b/c you wrote it LOL

December 16, 2008 at 3:15 PM


I had to write an essay on that poem for A/P English. Love it.

December 16, 2008 at 3:25 PM

sTacey, I promise that this book is a cross over hit--but pls don't read it if you don't expect to enjoy it even a little. I would hate for you to hate it! Luisa--I knew I could count on you to get this one. I don't know why I love it so much. I guess it just speaks to me (as it was meant to).

December 16, 2008 at 4:42 PM

I always either break or lose my sunglasses. I have none right now. :(

December 16, 2008 at 8:02 PM

You nailed it, Heidi! This is precisely why I never wear nylons to church. You could always do what they did in WWII because of the unavailability of nylon stockings. Women began shaving their legs and using eyebrow pencil to draw the seam up the backs of their legs. Hopefully you're already doing the first part of that routine, but that's none of my concern. Never mind. Time to shut up.

December 20, 2008 at 12:54 PM

Heidi, glad I'm not alone in this. James, you are a riot! My mother actually used make up during WWII. She was a little young for the stockings with the seam in them look--but apparently not too young for stockings. So, what was that you do for stockings again? I'm not sure you shared that part . . .(JK people--this man's wife is expecting a child for pity sakes!0

December 20, 2008 at 1:34 PM

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