I'm Trying To Get A Shower, Here!!  

Posted by Heidi in

It’s after noon and I still haven’t. Showered that is. I didn’t get out of bed until after nine. If that doesn’t put it into a more acceptable context, I don’t know how I can help you people. For crying out loud, I have been dealing with email and reading your posts and trying to come up with witty replies to your comments on MY posts and converting pics for my post today and dealing with light fixtures tumbling from the ceiling and crumbling plaster and all the while being hugely (“hugely” being the operative word, here) distracted by my Trader Joe’s “bake ‘em yourself” chocolate croissants. I baked ‘em myself. With help from Joe. Can I just say “yumm!”?

Well, anywho, here’s the deal. Whilst going through my photos on my digital camera in an attempt to find one of my Christmas tree that wasn’t blurry or too revealing of its jaunty angle (read: it’s crooked. Way.) (btw, what are the rules of punctuation when you are ignoring some of them? I mean, “way” is not a sentence, yet I have made it thus. So, do I put the period at the end of the word or after the single parenthesis as I would if that were the end of the sentence I started prior to its sister parenthesis? The world may never know) I found some other photos that made me smile. A lot. (The one at the top is of my front door because Kazzy wanted to see. Please do tell me, Kaz, what it says about me. I would put a wreath on it or red foil paper like I used to do (or both) but I paid big moola to have a door with a window in it and I’m not about to obscure it, so toodle-oo. I just had to make a rhyme out of it. My apologies.) So, here we go !!!! (Get ready to smile. A lot.)


Sure, the picture is fuzzy and dark (my camera and its photographer are suffering from old age) but the juxtaposition of this 80 plus man with the very black baby on his lap always makes me smile. It reminds me of how far we have come in the last century with regards to race and color (and yes, Callie is adopted--she is very black and very adorable and has the softest, fuzziest head of baby hair I have ever had the pleasure to run my fingers through and no, that is not a white bustier sitting on the table tho I can't say just exactly what it is, actually).

Look at the cute puppy! Look at that crazy pose! See how tolerant of the Big Guy she is! See how she knows more about hamming it up for the camera than her big brother! (yah, I don’t really like dogs but she has become part of the family. Who knew?) (please ignore the brown chocolate ice cream stain on the sofa--a left over from one of the Big Guy's barfcapades) (I said PLEASE) (Are you ignoring it yet?)

I spent one Christmas in Colorado, the only away from my family in my entire cotton-pickin’ existence (we say cotton-pickin’ in my family tho I don’t know why). When we moved back and showed up at various sisters’ homes for numerous festive events the following Christmas, I saw that everything had changed. EVERYTHING! They all had these incredible gorgeous santas, tall of stature, glittery and with flowing robes. What they were made of was impossible to determine but what I did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, was that I must have one. MUST. HAVE. ONE. I searched high and low but since the sisters had all acquired theirs the Christmas before (when I was in Colorado being poor and pitiful) there was not one of these gorgeous santas to be found. I am ashamed to admit it ruined my entire Christmas. RUINED. IT. And then, several birthdays later, I unwrapped, as a gift from my twin sister, the santa pictured above (she found it at a discount store for ten bucks!--ten bucks!--which was her birthday present budget, so how lucky was I?). Let me just say, this one gift instantly mended a lot of yuckiness, the kind that only twin sisters experience, in one fell santa-swoop which says a lot about how lacking in priciples and utterly and ridiculously materialistic I am.

Need I say more? They (being my Middle Child and Little Guy) even have matching red lips without (without, I say!) the aid of artificial aid whatsoever. They are simply seriously, so blessed! (bwahhaahhaaaaa!)


This one makes me smile because it is the least blurry of all the pics I took of my tree (why I do that, I don’t know—it looks exactly the same every year except for the addition of the 12 new ornaments (an average only) I add each Christmas bringing the grand total, this year anyway, to roughly 340 ornaments on said tree) plus it is taken in such a way that it is difficult to discern that the tree is leaning at a jaunty angle (read: it’s crooked. Way.) The fire? Fake. As in a hologram created by the miracle of DVD. Except for the hologram part—I lied about that. Only George Lucas knows how to do holograms. I wonder if he does tours at his house at Christmas. Would be cool, yes?


. . . in an impromptu group hug that defied, eluded and resisted blur-free picture-taking despite the fact they attempted to pose (despite the impromptu-ish-ness of it all) long enough for me to take 12 shots (and did I mention? --not one of them blur free). These guys have rotten balance (it couldn’t be moi as I took ballet as a youngster and clearly I made an impression on my beloved teacher as we still exchange Christmas cards every year). Still, it’s way cute.


I had a sadly Christmas-moment-free Christmas this year. Then, on Christmas morning the Little Guy wrote this on the wall with his madly coveted Bendaroos (that were happily delivered on our doorstep Christmas Eve at 8PM by a devoted Santa’s Helper). BEST. CHRISTMAS. MOMENT. EVER. (the writing on the wall, not the delivery) Where did this child come from? Getting everything he wanted for Christmas (thank goodness his wants are still modest) did not make him spoiled or petulant or demanding. Instead, it filled him with the spirit of love. I just don’t know what I did to deserve this guy. (In case you can’t read his Bendaroo-inspired writing, it says “This is the love house”. Makes me break up crying just typing it esp. since he chose a wall that is amazingly soil-free which means I didn't have to share with you my soilage when sharing this pic.) Now, go give your kids a great big hug!!

What are you still doing here? Well, since it’s New Years and you, apparently, have nothing better to do, go here if you want a last chance to enter for a signed copy of Miss D. Please note, this is not my site, you are going to a different site--you have to explore around a bit to leave your comment. There. Not here. It doesn't count if you leave the comment here. 'Nuff said. I hope.

Go to the comment section of my last post to see what edgy (as in, on the edge of good taste) remark I made in my comment response to Erin. (Do you think she’ll have a heart attack when she reads it? Your opinion needed. Now.)

Go here to nominate me (or some other lucky soul) to be featured on Mormon Mommy Blogs this month.

The chance to win an Amazon gift card from moi is over but there are still other great prizes (books, etc.) to be had at this 12 days of Christmas contest. Woo hoo!

Go here to nominate your fave LDS writer for a Whitney award. I have already been nominated, thanks to a number of really great bloggy friends and family who only required that I pay them a percentage of my royalties (suckas!) and a quart of blood (why do I get the feeling they plan to vote for Stephenie Meyer?)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2008 at Wednesday, December 31, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

41 wise, witty and wonderful comments

You jusy had to go and mention Trader Joes, didn't you? Do you like to rub it in people's faces who live in Utah and who don't have one because apparently, Utah isn't cool enough? Thanks for ruining my New Year's Eve.

I will have to console myself by eating donuts and chips.

P.S. Happy New Year!

December 31, 2008 at 1:39 PM

Ah, Kristina, now I know your secret. I'll bet you don't know what I wrote about at the bottom of my extremely lengthy and long winded post. BTW, you have Stephen's Hot Chocolate, so there!

December 31, 2008 at 1:43 PM

I still can't see the chocolate stain, and I've been studying the couch for ten minutes. I think I must have a blind spot or something -- or maybe it's the drug-induced coma I'm living in. (I'm bringin' in the New Year with a sinus infection! Yay!)

And I love your tree. 340 ornaments? Seriously? Awesome!

Ooh, oh oh oh! And I love your book! I'm reading it for the second time now, because the first time I read through it too fast like I always do with new books, so you'll have to wait for my official review, but I love it so far!

December 31, 2008 at 1:51 PM

I wish I lived in a Love House. Sounds fun.

December 31, 2008 at 1:58 PM

Hey, thanks for highlighting my comment, written for all the world to see, that I haven't been to a dentist in WAY too long.


Anyway, that was a great post. I've never been to a Trader Joe's, so thankfully I don't know what I am missing.

December 31, 2008 at 1:59 PM

That was one of the funniest, most random posts I've seen in a long time. You crack me up!

December 31, 2008 at 2:00 PM

You Crack me up!
I don't know what Trader Joe's is, probably my hips will thank me for that...
And yes to what Annette said up there.
I think Random posts are sometimes the best!
Love your front door shot btw, that post thing beside it, love it.

and as to where to stick the period? I think I would have put it where you did too...


December 31, 2008 at 2:28 PM

weird, maybe I should have read all of Annette's comment otherwise, I would have been a little more creative than You Crack Me Up!
I probably should have taken a cue from your word verifier it says chipphip which if you talked like kai, would come across as hip chick backwards...

December 31, 2008 at 2:30 PM

Sue Q--what a compliment! Thank you! Can't wait to hear what you think (better get it read before you start in on the chocolate, could be too distracting)Barbaloot--sometimes it's Love House. Sometimes it's Barf House. Then there's, well, never mind. Erin--oops! Sorry! Love the Dinky. Had a friend name Dink b/c she was so tiny. Annette--thank you so much! That means a lot! Abra, not to worry, who has time to read everyone's comments prior to yours? I don't! The post next to my door came from this wonderful store in Santa Cruz (on the coast of California) where I visit every year. It is full of architectural antiques collected from old barns in Pennsylvania. It is run by two sisters whose mother started collecting these things years ago before it was fashionable--filled three barns. I save my pennies all year long to buy something there each summer and I do most esp. love this one!

December 31, 2008 at 3:39 PM

I love all of your photos! What a great thing to see the people we are getting to know through blogging. SO cool! And I know what you mean about the window of opportunity for showering. I have a hard time sleeping past 8 a.m. and when I do I am behind all day, and have a difficult time fitting the shower in. Thank goodness for pony tails!

December 31, 2008 at 4:31 PM

what a beautiful baby! I love adoption and how far we have come in this country, like you stated! Love it!

December 31, 2008 at 6:14 PM

What a sweet boy! I think I would have cried too!

And Trader Joe is probably my best friend. Bless him and his foods.

Happy New Year!

And I can't figure out the how to win won thing. I think my eyes are too tired to really figure it out and read all those crazy rules.

I think I'll just have to buy a copy. ;)

December 31, 2008 at 6:53 PM

I got to hold and kiss some of my great-grand-kids on Thanksgiving day also. Wonderful family. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

December 31, 2008 at 6:58 PM

I saw the front door and thought....KAZZY!!! Now, it's Kazzy's turn don't ya think? BTW, Love the post at the front door! I covet it! I wish I could have put up a tree this year....dang remodel! NEXT YEAR!!! It is fun getting to know you through your blog, and my ears aren't even burning!

Happy New Year!

December 31, 2008 at 11:41 PM

Kazzy--yes, so fun, but what does my door say about me? I'm dying to know! STacey--isn't she the cutest!?! Such a neat story behind that adoption, too. Heather--buying a copy is one way to go. I can't find it in me to object now that it is officially 2009. Arlon--Happy New Year to you, too!! April, yes, I think it is Kazzy's turn just as long as she doesn't stop posting musical mondays!

January 1, 2009 at 12:13 AM

Fun post!

I overuse parenthesis and don't know the rules but I personally would put the period after the wait, and then another after the closing parenthesis, as your sentence was never terminated by one. Wait.). Why not?

Also, I just thought about cotton pickin' for the first time reading your ponderings (they used it in Chicken Little which I just noticed for the first time last night) but since cotton pickin' is used in the same context as the word dang or other not so nice words, and we know who the cotton pickers of the olden days were, I think it might be a saying that goes back to before you would often see the lovely scene depicted in your first picture. But now I'm going to look it up and find out for sure. . .

January 1, 2009 at 12:41 AM

Yes, I believe I'm right. I didn't search too hard, but there are a few vague references to it being a racist saying. Makes sense. Too bad though. It's a darling saying. Like a happy expletive.

January 1, 2009 at 12:46 AM

When you write an update about Christmas, you don't mess around! Loved the photo montage and the behind-the-scenes peek into your holiday...especially the photo of your Dad and one of his many grandchildren. Simply lovely.

Oh, and the showering thing? Yeah...that is my life...almost everyday. If I have to choose between blogging and showering, my personal hygeniene unfortunately rarely wins. :)


January 1, 2009 at 6:38 AM

Your tree doesn't look so bad from that picture. But maybe it's that angle. We got some of those bendy things and my kids adore them. I would like them more if they wrote such sweet messages on the wall, too.

Happy New Year!

January 1, 2009 at 6:46 AM

Hey I left something for you on my blog, come and pick it up :)

January 1, 2009 at 6:53 AM

Guru Kazzy thinks your door says that you are "particular" in your style. It says that guests are welcome to enter and experience an old-world warmth. It says that you like where you are. LOL

January 1, 2009 at 7:23 AM

This is the Love House!?!

That's priceless.

January 1, 2009 at 7:28 AM

What great pictures of your holiday season! And, holy cow, does your daughter ever look like you? The answer is yes! Yes! Yes! You're both beautiful.

All the best for you and your family in '09, Heidi! All I've got is love for my Alden cousin!

January 1, 2009 at 9:08 AM

I miss TJ's. I am jealous.

Your tree is beautiful, and it is a requirement to take 12 pictures of it each year. It just is. I do. And I only average maybe 5 new ornaments a year.

The two headed doll is my favorite picture. Hands down. But they are all great.

I am constantly having puncuations conundrums. Possibly because I didn't pay enough attention in my composition/grammar classes. Also, I use parentheses WAY too much. I don't think I have a single post on my blog that does not include them. I think maybe I would have put another period at the end of your parenthisis. It looks weird, but I think it's right. But then again, I didn't pay attention in grammar class, so maybe I don't know!

January 1, 2009 at 10:15 AM

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. No wonder you haven't showered yet.

That was fun to see all those pics. And I have no idea about where the period goes. I always get tripped up on that too. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

And bendaroos. I've always wanted to know someone who bought bendaroos. Wow. What a Happy New Year.

January 1, 2009 at 10:18 AM

Lisa, yes, I suspected there was/is a connection between that expression and the first photo of my post---which is why I don't know why my family would use it. However, my dad used to be an Idaho hick so I suspect that might have something to do with it. They never saw a black person in his little town, let alone know one, so . . . Francesca, with us living so close to one another, it's a wonder we don't smell our mutual unhygenic condition on a regular basis! Becky, do you know he hasn't even touched them since? And that was the thing he wanted the most and for the longest. Yet, a t-shirt he wanted for a mere two weeks has adorned his body since Christmas day until yesterday when I forcibly peeled it off(so now you know how often my kids don't bathe--oh, wait, he did bathe and change for Sunday. I'm not a total loser!) Abra-thanks, I love it! I suppose that means you forgive me, huh? (and to Christine or anyone else who might be reading this, no, you didn't miss anything--inside joke) Kazzy--love it! Yet, alas, everything about me says I have a particular style. I am pretty rigid that way. I guess it can be a good thing. Time to see your front door! Heather--love your new profile pic! Does this mean you are going to stay brunette? keeyy-ute! Alyson--bless your heart! My fil tries to claim all of my children as looking like Ashworth's, but I have to agree, my girl looks the most like me, but far more beautiful! Of course, I am comparing her to myself at that age, a straight stick of a gal with straight as a pin hair, glasses and no sense of humor about myself at all whatsoever. Love you too!! Lara, my problem was that my dad was an English teacher and in spite of his former days as an Idaho hick, he cleaned up his act right quick and spoke/speaks perfect English. We all just grew up that way. I passed all my English tests, etc. with flying colors. I didn't even have to pay attention in class. Lo and behold, as I got older, I started to run into trouble so I started paying attention. Then, whatever year in high school it is that you take all that grammar stuff, I got in a huge fight with my best friend. English was right after lunch and I spent the entire period wallowing in misery b/c I had to eat lunch alone (our friends chose sides, all of them hers) SO I have some big holes in my learning. I only took one semester of college (I know, quelle horreur!) in order to work and save money for my wedding when The Spouse got home from his mission. But I did put him through college! Points for me! Crash, yes, bendaroos look like a good deal but after you get done adding the shipping, they cost something like $99.99. No kidding. And did I mention? He hasn't even played with them since that day! I blame the wii fit. What is this world coming to when your child spends hours a day doing yoga in front of an avatar whose lips don't even move when he could be making jello out of bendaroos?!?!!?

January 1, 2009 at 12:02 PM

You guys with your rubbing in Trader Joe's what's that about?

I did shower today, and now I'm all tuckered out. I think I'll go have a nap.

January 1, 2009 at 12:26 PM

I didn't get out of bed until 10:30 this morning. I then cleaned the house and was going to go on a hike but I read your blog instead. Now I am exhausted! The energy in your writing totally wore me out! But what a fun entry--and it provided my first good laugh for the day! I hope you have had your shower by now. I, on the other hand, am off to take a nap.

January 1, 2009 at 12:33 PM

Alison and Joy--what is it with showering that exhausts one? I mean, it isn't as if I were rolling in the mud and there was a lot of work to do in there. Sheez! Thanks for reading in spite of your exhausted state(s). :)

January 1, 2009 at 1:26 PM

What a lovely house you have! I'm with Sue Q. What stain? I looked too.

I should post a picture of my front door where the angel-monkey took a baseball bat and knocked, loud and long and clear. And then I knocked to show him that yes indeed a baseball bat will leave dents in a metal door if you use it as a door knocker.

Love the grandpa and baby picture. Such a cutie. Love Trader Joe's, but you knew that about me. Love the love house.

BTW,I nominated you. :)

Hap-hap-happy new year!

January 1, 2009 at 4:33 PM

Jami--it's just below the Big Guy's big foot. Sorry about your door. Aren't kids the best? And thanks, thanks and thanks so much! You're the best! Love you!

January 1, 2009 at 5:19 PM

I love that picture of Grandpa and Callie. I wish we could have seen you over Christmas. I'm glad we even made it to CA. Anyway, you'll have to rub through Callie's hair some other time. We were looking through pictures the other day, and I can't beleive how much she has changed. She changes much more than Sammy ever did. Anyway, check out our blog to see the Christmas movie we made on Christmas Eve! Happy New Year!

January 1, 2009 at 10:31 PM

By golly, there it is.

January 2, 2009 at 12:13 AM

Jenny--I DID! I loved it! So totally adorable! You guys crack me up! Jami-there is what? I'm lost. But I'm glad it's there, whatever it is.

January 2, 2009 at 10:47 AM

Um...drink a little coffee this morning, Heidi? :) I can't see it any more, though; any chance of changing your comment setting to "Open in a New Window" so that the post can still be seen while commenting? (just a suggestion).

Your family looks so very happy. Great pics, too. Glad you had some great family time this week.

January 2, 2009 at 9:22 PM

I totally think that saying fits into Annettes list of words, phrases and sayings that have evolved, which makes it okay for us to say. Of course. Nobody thinks of it like that, and it is just a cute saying (IMO).

January 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM

Barb--totally lost. Sorry. Lisa--yes, I agree, thank you!

January 3, 2009 at 10:21 AM


Open Settings.
Click on Comments
See Comment Form Placement and click on Pop-up Window.

Then, I should be able to still see the post when commenting :)

January 3, 2009 at 8:44 PM

How cool to see some pics of your family! I see now how I was confused. I realize that "Big Guy" is one of your sons, and here for awhile I thought that was the name for your husband. Silly am I.

Love the fire near your Christmas tree. Hee hee.

That sign is so precious!

I have no Trader Joe's. The nearest Whole Foods is an hour and a half away. *sniff*. (And that wasn't a snobby *sniff*, but a sad one. Send Trader Joe's my way please!)

January 3, 2009 at 10:02 PM

Thank you for sharing the photos of your lovely family! I hope you did have a happy new year!

January 5, 2009 at 7:27 PM

Wow! People are still commenting over here? Cool! Thanks guys!

January 5, 2009 at 8:15 PM

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