I love this metaphor, Heidi. I feel the same way sometimes.

I feel like I am in the darker part. Maybe it just takes your children growing up a little. And not to be potty training.

Wonderful piece.

It's soooo nice when that dark part is over! Is that what a midlife crisis is? I wrote about that today too! WEIRD!!!

I'm glad you are feeling stronger. I am just rebuilding my strength.

Just the other day it hit me that I have like 40 or 50 years left of my life, and that seems like sooooo long, because I have already passed all of those "landmark achievements" that you listed. I guess I have to look forward to my kids' achievements like graduation and marriage, but I don't have such concrete things for myself.

I always love reading your blog. Most of the time it makes me laugh--but this one touched my heart in a different way. I am sorry for any dark days you have suffered through, but glad you are feeling stronger because of them.

"challenges that often left me winded, injured, hurt---bleeding. There were days when I felt like an accident on the side of the road--"

This is a snapshot from my soul. You have captured it in all its haunting beauty. It is a comfort to know one is not alone. I hope you never have to feel this way again.

Thank you for sharing. It is more courageous than you know. Thank you.

Some genius actually wrote a book about this exact metaphor - the "life is a marathon" concept. I wish I could remember the book, but my friend read it and decided to apply it to the Young Women in our ward last year. We actually "trained" our girls to "Run a Marathon" (a.k.a. "Life"). IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING WE'VE EVER DONE WITH OUR YW! I could leave a super long comment and tell you all about it, but instead I'll blog about it and fill in the details. It really was an awesome experience, and one I think I should do every year.

You know, maybe I'm just weird this way, but I take things as they come (as in, I don't race toward anything). I do my own thing and I have goals, but life is life and I just have to take it one step at a time! :) I love what you wrote though, I always feel like reading about other people's trials and life help prepare me for anything I might come up against. And it helps. Thank you!

You are inspiring, and I am not saying that as a joke.

WV- anapy- maybe that is what you need after each leg of your race.

Wow this is fabulous!!

Yes. What Lara said.
This gives me hope :) Another great post, lady!

Lovely. And so true.

Keep running, girlfriend~

Lovely metaphor. Isn't amazing how we work so hard for those things, and then we get there and feel like 'an accident by the side of the road'?
Glad you've found your stride. You give hope for the rest of us!

Kristina--thanks! Lara--I hope you never get to as dark a place as I did (when one of your kids is both sucidical and homicidal and you have to hide all the knives and scissors AND your husband is sick in bed for a year and there is no money and no one to help b/c mental illness is just not p.c.----get back to me. Not to minimize your darkness. Things tend to look pretty darn black but only until they get blacker). (Now I am worried that I offended you. Sorry!) April--I sense that in you! Keep going! Heather--I have always been woefully ambitious. Joy--thanks! If I write a post on Sunday, it will never be the kind you laugh at. It gives me a bit of a change in pace that I need. (no pun intended) Lexicon, T, elliot--I'm not sure what to call you but I love that you love that part. I hope you don't have to go through what I did BUT it did make me stronger. Sue--I have never read that book. I guess it must be true, huh? Melinda--good for you. Pacing yourself is always best. What can I say? I was young? And I was given challenges that would have made anyone stop and gasp for breath (not that I am complaining--I love my challenges=--they have given me so much!) Youngblood--I just had one! Yay! It felt so good! Heather--thanks! Heather--I sure hope it doesn't get any darker. You have had enough, lady! Crash--thanks! It's great to always stop by your place with your drink of water and bucket for whatever needs carrying along the way. :)

You wrote beautifully of what makes up a woman's life. I have felt everything you have mentioned. The darkness still comes from time to time. It is that commonality that brings us all together and rooting for one another.

I wonder if your book is when your ribbon started again? It must be such a wonderful rediscovery of you after years of concentrating only on raising kids. I hope I have that day too.

Hi Pat--thanks for visiting and for commenting! I hope that I can give people hope. I have really been through a lot. I don't press that point b/c I want any praise but b/c I truly DO want people to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can't see it. Especially when you can't see it. It's a lot of hard work, very very hard, and we're not done here with the work we have to do by a long shot---but with the right friends, it can be done. (except for the laundry and making dinner. For those things, there is no hope)

Alyson--I think you are pretty close. It would be hard to pin it down to one moment, it has been gradual, but I only just felt this way very recently. It feels great! (I hope it lasts!)

I haven't been through exactly what you have, but have been through some pretty dark days with my own struggles (and not just raising little ones) and it gives me hope to read this.

Just thought I'd let you know that. :)

Love this post. Came across you through another blog. Glad I did!

Heidi,
I'm terribly sorry about what you've gone through. And you're right about how the world views mental illness. It's not right but there are people out there who DO care. I may not have been where you've been but my heart reaches out to you and your family. I'm glad that things are on the upside. Your strength may be the balm to someone else's soul.

L.T.
p.s. Sorry about the confusing name. You can call me Laura if you like. =]

Nice post Heidi!

Swifter, higher, stronger


Now you just have to endure to the end...

Lovely Heidi. I'm so glad you've become lithe and strong. It makes you a mighty fine friend.

WV = perth As in dragon riders of.

It is amazing the things we can handle when we have to. If someone had told me some of the things I would face in my life I would say,"No. I can't do that."

The ribbon metaphor was good too. Slippery, fluid, ever-changing. But we learn how to navigate it and even how to make predictions about how it will go.

Nice post, Miss A.

The darkness only makes the light brighter. The strength comes from working to make it to the light. Nothing new, but it helps put all things in perspective. Ether 12:27 So glad we don't have to do this alone.
Roxanne

I read your post earlier today and did not have time to comment. What I wanted to say was that you made it sound so ... nice(?) I wanted details and didn't want to admit it.

Alyson--thank you! That means a lot! Homestead--glad you found me, thanks for the comment and hope you come back! Laura--yay! I love having a name to call you! Thanks for your kindness. It has really been tough but I'm not sorry. My challenges are my friends--what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, yada yada yada. Having others care really does help, though! Thanks! Rachel--that's what I'm hoping! One never knows for sure but I truly do hope I have had my major trial of my faith. Jami--so sweet! And I love the Dragonriders of Perth! Kazzy--the ribbon metaphor was literally the way I saw things in my mind when I thought about how life seemed to always be eluding me. It was youthful silliness, of course, I was in such a hurry to grow up (having five older sisters will do that to you) but honestly, that is just the picture that would always come into my brain. The idea that I can have some kind of control over that ribbon and not be a victim of circumstance, as you said, is pretty intoxicating. Roxanne, absolutely, we don't have to do it alone. Choose your friends wisely--the Savior being at the top of the list. I have learned so much about how to access the atonement in my life through all of this---it's why we're here.

Christine--email me and ask your questions. I love to talk about it.

I'm glad that you are in such a good place right now. I'll never understand REALLY the need to have so much challenge sometimes in our life. It's good to know that it never lasts forever. And good for you for making it through it!

I'm so glad your ribbon is pretty and smooth for you right now! You have a busy life, and I'm sure you don't even blog about everything that's happening. I'm not sure how I would cope if I'd been dealt a different hand.

My ribbon has a few kinks in it, but I'm optimistic.

Wow.

Have you submitted that to the AnneX?

That was amazing.

Heatherlyn--yep, it is good to know, but I don't kid myself. There is more. The challenges in life never really stop. Sometimes you are at the bottom of the wheel, sometimes at the top--I just hope what I have learned will help me to make it over rough ground much more lightly when the time comes. Lisa--optimism is one of life's best friends! You'll do good with that one by your side! Eowyn--thanks! Maybe. Probably. We'll see. :)

What an insipirational post! This is one I'll go back to often.

Beautiful post! My life seems the same in its own unique way.

Love the imagery of the ribbon. Beautiful.

Well said, well said. Reminds me of Ether 12:27.
xoxox