Hilarious Friday the 13th Fun!!  

Posted by Heidi in

The Spouse had a restless night. I think it might have something to do with the fact that our school district is laying off 600 teachers today. (And it’s Friday the 13th. How ironic is that?) And since my husband is (was?) (cue hysterical laughter verging on the maniacal) a teacher in the local school district, I have been thinking a lot about how to cut corners. Thank goodness we have been unemployed very often in the past so I have tons of experience with being poor. (Really dodged a bullet there! Phew! Thanking my lucky stars!) (Sarcasm—how I’ve missed you!)

So, here is my classic list of “Things You Can Do For Free”

1. Beautify your home through the miracle of cleaning (because we all know cleanliness is next to beautiness)

2. Lose weight (a great FREE gift to yourself and amazingly cost effective since you can save money on the food budget at the same time. Who’da thunk?)

3. Lay out and get a free tan (yes, you’ll have to save your pennies for that skin cancer surgery in the future but that’s LATER. This is NOW. Priorities an’ all).

4. Use the library—rumored to be almost as much fun as using drugs, or so I’ve been told (plus, there’s a really good book there called Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind--if it isn’t at your local library, you can always order it, for freeeeee!) (Or, hey, here's an idea! Write and publish a book and watch your Amazon number go up ,up and up (a bad thing) until you go stark raving mad thereby gaining yourself free lodging in the looney-bin.)

5. Climb the local mountain and yodel. (Bonus: If you have already been committed, no one will think twice about it.)

6. Drive around to locate some radical free-ranging wi fi and download a “watch-it-now movie from Netflix (these last two can only be considered free events if you siphon the gas needed for the trip from your neighbor's car. Have some class and choose a car belonging to a neighbor who hasn’t just been laid of—like one of the school district administrators).

7. Write a pithy post (or do what the really frugal people do and steal one).

8. Bribe a friend to do “Trading Spaces” with you. I hear they ruin your house with all the cameras they screw into the walls and ceilings but you might actually get some nice slipcovers out of the deal.

9. Go to the local discount store, open a box of cheap plastic baggies and slit open the bottom of a few baggies here and there. Imagine the looks on people’s faces when that stack of Oreos just slips right on through to crash onto the floor! (Kinda like what happened to me this morning. No, wait, EXACTLY what happened to me this morning!) The cost to you? Priceless! You just can’t buy entertainment like that!


Well, that’s all I’ve got. It used to be a longer list but in the 3.5 years since we have been gainfully employed, things have really gone up. Sadly, making your own cookies and sewing your own clothes are no longer cost effective. But camping out all night in front of the dollar store to catch the latest shipment as it comes in the door IS. Just be sure to get there early to muscle out the competition, i.e. the homeless who are living in the cardboard boxes. But be nice! They could be your neighbors one day soon.

(Check back later for an update: Will The Spouse get a pink slip today or not? Talk about suspense! Just another great idea for cheap entertainment right here at Dunhaven Place!)

Update: Okay, I would have been back sooner but I was having trouble with my internet. NO PINK SLIP! Woo Hoo! Of course The Spouse feels just terrible about seeing other teachers being called into the principal's office, many of them hired the same day he was. I guess that year when he went to school every other Saturday (for 12 months!) to get his bilingual teaching credential really paid off. Thanks for all your comments and support! It means so much!

This entry was posted on Friday, March 13, 2009 at Friday, March 13, 2009 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

46 wise, witty and wonderful comments

I wonder if you added some gratuitous nudity to your blog if maybe you would make more money from ads. Just a suggetion.

March 13, 2009 at 10:07 AM

Heidi, I don't know how you can be so funny in the face of adversity, but I have to hand it to you!

I'll cross my fingers for your family today!

March 13, 2009 at 10:07 AM

Kristina--you are brilliant! Randi--AND my brother in law is in ICU today. Sheez! But thanks! Now I am off to grant gratuitous nudity to my shower . . .

March 13, 2009 at 10:08 AM

Hope he comes home without a pretty pink slip. (Crossing fingers!)

March 13, 2009 at 10:09 AM

Here's hoping that there will be no need for yodeling. Although cutting slits in plastic bags sounds highly entertaining, no matter what your economic situation.

March 13, 2009 at 10:20 AM

Hope everything goes okay for your husband...

And I love the library. I think I really need to go there and check out this book I've heard so much about:)

March 13, 2009 at 10:26 AM

Way to hold the possible hysteria and panic at bay with a bit of humour!

March 13, 2009 at 10:26 AM

... will they treat a stress ulcer for free at the looney bin?

Crossing my fingers here... I've never liked pink...

March 13, 2009 at 10:30 AM

This was hilarious, Heidi! And I appreciate the list of free entertainment since the economy is in the tank, and well, my husband is in sales. You do the math.

Hope your hubby is spared the curse of the Friday the 13th lay-offs!

March 13, 2009 at 10:37 AM

The library is my absolute favorite free thing to do.

600 teachers? Really? Will there be any left? They have been cutting teachers and the like around here lately too, it's very frustrating. I hope it all turns out okay for you guys.

March 13, 2009 at 10:37 AM

If worse comes to worse you could have your hubby get a teaching job here in Mesa and come be my neighbor. I would let you siphon gas in times of desperation! But please no slitting holes in my baggies.

Hopefully it will not come to that, though. My thoughts are with you today.

March 13, 2009 at 10:55 AM

This was so, so funny! I admire your attitude in the face of adversity.

We'll be praying for you guys.

I'm with Kristina P. about the gratuitous nudity. You could shave your dog and charge admission? Wait--you do have a dog, or I'm thinking of someone else...

March 13, 2009 at 10:59 AM

I sort of think you're at your best when you're under loads of stress. I mean, look at you go. :D

I'm hopeful for you, but I know you'll roll with what you get either way. And now that you've reminded yourself that you don't have to actually keep paying for that tan, I bet you'll be okay. :)

March 13, 2009 at 11:12 AM

Fabo ideas. Thanks for the insight. I will print this and keep it for possible future reference.

Oh, and I will keep my fingers crossed, and my toes, and my eyes crossed for your hubby! Good luck!

March 13, 2009 at 11:21 AM

Annette--thanks! Lara--I am sure whomever cut mine wishes he/she could have been a fly on the wall this morning! Barb--yes (and did I say YES?!?) Kim--thanks, hon! T--see, that's all I've got going for me today b/c I love pink! Alyson! Yay! Good to see you! What you say is true--we are far from the only ones who are suffering from this economy. Eventually everyone will suffer. Sue--it's a huge district, just huge, which is part of the problem. I think 600 is about a 4th. Becky--you make me laugh! I promise if we move to Arizona, I will live next to you--maybe even camp out in your yard. Wouldn't that be special? Rebecca--we DO have a dog and she would be quite amusing shaved, I'm sure. She is mostly hair (not fur) and she would look pretty funny naked. Lisa--you are a born comedian! You go girl!

March 13, 2009 at 11:24 AM

Julie--thanks sweetie! I guess I should be more worried but I'm not. What will be will be.

March 13, 2009 at 11:24 AM

we are far from layoff right now. and i am depressed trying to figure low budget meal plan so i can cut my grocery bill hopefully in 1/2.

i go to your blog and laugh my behind off! i do think you write well under stress..

March 13, 2009 at 11:59 AM

At first I thought that last sentence said "right here at Dunhaven PALACE." The irony...

I'll be checking back for an update! What stress. Hoping for the BEST.

PEACE-
Heather

March 13, 2009 at 12:07 PM

Just curious, how many administrative positions is the district cutting? It really chaps my hide that teachers are considered expendible. Better to keep the teachers and get rid of buildings and supplies (look how well the Church manages with lots of volunteer teachers and a few manuals), but better yet to cut back on administration--can you tell I used to be a teacher(?).

A few months ago I heard that Washington Mutual was laying off three thousand workers. The next evening I was at a committee meeting with a friend whose husband worked for WaMu. I asked if her husband's job was secure and she replied that he had received his pink slip that day. It felt like a punch in the gut to me, I can't even imagine how it felt to her.

I certainly hope for your sake that your husband will keep his job (though if he's only been there for three years, it sounds like he might not have the security of seniority, if that is factored into the decision) but my sympathy goes out to all the individuals and families who will be impacted. Not to mention the students. Will the teachers at least finish out this school year?

March 13, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Heidi! This is a bad day for lots of people I know. I hope he gets to keep his job. Please keep us posted and I need to borrow those books from you. Let me know when you have time.

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 PM

So much for the government stimulus package ...

Um, it's making me nervous lately. We have a friend who was laid off. He was the CEO of a corporation. Well educated. Sharp guy. His company was transfering his family across the country. They had the moving date set and the movers were coming in a week. And then he gets and EMAIL saying that he's been laid off. Nice.

Not to mention, people my husband barely knows have been asking him if his company is hiring and where they can submit resumes. It leaves a general feeling of unease.

I hope your husband keeps his job.

On a happier note:

I can completely relate to #1 on your list. And #2 on your list has always made sense to me.

And, I have to admit to being dismayed that it really DOES cost more to make cookies than to buy them. What is up with that?

Hey, I finally ordered your book off Amazon.com. Curiosity and all your promotion finally motivated me to get it! It hasn't arrived in the mail yet. But I have to admit I'm looking forward to it. :)

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 PM

So much for the government stimulus package ...

Um, it's making me nervous lately. We have a friend who was laid off. He was the CEO of a corporation. Well educated. Sharp guy. His company was transfering his family across the country. They had the moving date set and the movers were coming in a week. And then he gets and EMAIL saying that he's been laid off. Nice.

Not to mention, people my husband barely knows have been asking him if his company is hiring and where they can submit resumes. It leaves a general feeling of unease.

I hope your husband keeps his job.

On a happier note:

I can completely relate to #1 on your list. And #2 on your list has always made sense to me.

And, I have to admit to being dismayed that it really DOES cost more to make cookies than to buy them. What is up with that?

Hey, I finally ordered your book off Amazon.com. Curiosity and all your promotion finally motivated me to get it! It hasn't arrived in the mail yet. But I have to admit I'm looking forward to it. :)

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 PM

My motto is "Enjoy Life....It's Delicious" so eat those Oreos and stay your positive self! Keep up the great inspiring blogs Heidi!

March 13, 2009 at 1:24 PM

is school STILL not out over there??? my kids are all home... and after the 30 minutes I spent with Po's teacher... well, let's just say I'd have been willing to sign THAT pink slip...

March 13, 2009 at 2:51 PM

How about the old glue-a quarter-to-the-airport-floor-and-watch-every-person-try-and-pick-it-up game? I guess it would take some gas money to get there, but oh, so worth it!

Good luck on the job front. I feel for you. Really.

March 13, 2009 at 3:18 PM

Gramee--thanks! But don't laugh your head off entirely--I think you'll be needing that to figure out the food budget thing. :)Heather--thanks, doll! Pam-yes they finish out the year. They are letting some administrators go and kicked out the superintendent. Janelle, yes, totally--let's talk about a good time for you to borrow the books (sometime after I dig them out of wherever they are just now . . )Heatherlyn-you made my day!! Courtney--thanks! So fun to see you on my blog! T--it comes in the mail . . . Kazzy--that is such a great idea! Love it! Of course, the closest airport is in scary Oakland . . .

March 13, 2009 at 3:49 PM

HOORAY!!! NO PINK SLIP!!!

I'm totally trying out that oreo baggy thing. I'm going over to my brothers house first thing tomorrow to implement said evil plan. Gwa ha ha ha ha!

March 13, 2009 at 4:37 PM

Hallelujah!!! I'm so happy for you :) And now you don't have to clean or anything...

March 13, 2009 at 5:33 PM

What a relief! We've been through this several times lately... As much as you feel bad for the people who do get laid off - you can't do anything to change that. So you just thank god that it's not you (this time)!

March 13, 2009 at 6:03 PM

Oh Heidi, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to offer some support, but it looks like it wasn't needed which I'm extremely happy about! Yay, no pink slip!
Love your list by the way! Do you think people would think I was weird if I actually might do some of those...:)

March 13, 2009 at 6:38 PM

600?! Are you kidding me? What percent is that of the total teachers in your district? Wow. That is scary. Lucky for me, no one would want my job! I'm happy for your hubs.

March 13, 2009 at 6:49 PM

Oops. I wasn't done. Thanks for the peeve idea. The post is scheduled for tonight.

In regard to your having to always fill in your info on my comments, 1st, thank you for going through the trouble. Second, I have no idea why it does that for you, because I just asked my sister to check it from her end, and she said it does auto-fill for her. I have no idea what to do now, as I did spend some time at Haloscan today trying to figure it out. Also, my blog is through Blogger (not Wordpress). Haloscan is an add-on. Let me know if you know what else I can try. Thanks.

March 13, 2009 at 6:51 PM

Hooray for the good news. But if you ever do go to the looney bin could we be room mates? I am pretty sure I will end up there sooner or later. And well it would be comforting to be there with someone I know.

March 13, 2009 at 7:16 PM

Congrats on escaping the chopping block. Now you have no excuse not to help stimulate the economy by skipping the dollar store and heading straight to WalMart.

March 13, 2009 at 7:55 PM

I wish I had the words of comfort to return to you - Your comments really pulled me through. I don't know you in person but I really do appreciate you. Thanks.

March 13, 2009 at 8:43 PM

Que Bueno!!!

March 13, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Laura--just so you know, any kind of cookie will do, but Oreos smash more satisfingly into little bits when they hit the floor than, say, Chips Ahoy. Rachel--thanks!!! Kate--no doubt (but I still feel bad) Melinda--not any weirder than we already think of you as . . .(JK!!) Barb--you are such a sweethheart to spend so much time trying to figure that out. I shoulda known the problem was on my end--it usually is. To answer your question, 600 teachers is about a 4th of the # we have in this huge district of ours. Pat--YES esp now that I know how to make you happy (a couple of hours alone with the computer on Friday night--but I get it the rest of the time, right? Yes? No? No deal? Shucks!) Megz--you said it! What a card you are! Does lack of sleep do that for you? It just kind of makes me limp. As does just barely having given birth. You rock! Jess--my favorite comment of the day (though Heatherlyn's about buying my book is a pretty close second). I sometimes worry that I am always so full of unsolicited advice but anytime I can share what I have learned (and so painfully!) and have it lighten anyone's burden gives me the greatest joy in life. Thanks for taking the time to say that! T--I suppose this means you think I speak Spanish. I don't but I can wager a guess so que beuno right back at ya!

March 13, 2009 at 9:42 PM

Heidi, Long time lurker first time follower. I am so glad that he didnt get the pink slip. We were so praying for you guys on that one.

Keep these post coming they are so funny.

Please feel free to stop by and visit us at Fort Thompson anytime. you are always welcome.

love and prayers,

Tim

March 14, 2009 at 2:00 AM

OH MY! I missed all the anxiety, but I'm still so glad he didn't get a pink slip. That bilingual certificate is GOLD.

It's been four weeks exactly since Applebee's. Just wanna say I LOVE YOU and I'm glad you live close enough that we could play.

March 14, 2009 at 8:49 AM

Whew. THat has to be a huge sigh of relief, but still -its hard to see friends get that news. You're IDEAS on things to do for free are helpful for sure.

March 14, 2009 at 8:57 AM

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU that he didn't get the "pink" slip. This is really stressful all these job looses and I too am thankful I just have a job. (and hubby) BUT the list of free things to do still comes in handy.
And, I am kinda leaning towards Kristina's suggestion of the gratuitous nudity.
Like the ol'saying --I was young and needed the money.

March 14, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Hooray! I'm so happy to hear that! That is just great.

Yay.

March 14, 2009 at 10:15 AM

Tim--gosh, thanks! I have a lurker? Wow! Thanks for the prayers! Jami--I can't believe it has been 4 weeks! In some ways it seems longer, in some, just yesterday! Thanks SO much for coming to my little party! I loved getting to hug you! Love you too! Heather--thank you so much! Hey, you're back! I missed you! Wendy--bwaaahaahaaaa!! Lisa--yep, we are so relieved! Starting to feel the tension about all of it now that the crisis is passed. Such is life!

March 14, 2009 at 11:54 AM

YAY! I was worried when you said he is (was)!

My favorite tip was to climb a local mountain and yodel. I'm going to give that a try.

March 14, 2009 at 10:50 PM

Whew! I'm glad his job is safe!

March 16, 2009 at 7:29 AM

I'm so glad it all worked out for him!

March 17, 2009 at 9:17 PM

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