The Spouse had a restless night. I think it might have something to do with the fact that our school district is laying off 600 teachers today. (And it’s Friday the 13th. How ironic is that?) And since my husband is (was?) (cue hysterical laughter verging on the maniacal) a teacher in the local school district, I have been thinking a lot about how to cut corners. Thank goodness we have been unemployed very often in the past so I have tons of experience with being poor. (Really dodged a bullet there! Phew! Thanking my lucky stars!) (Sarcasm—how I’ve missed you!)
So, here is my classic list of “Things You Can Do For Free”
1. Beautify your home through the miracle of cleaning (because we all know cleanliness is next to beautiness)
2. Lose weight (a great FREE gift to yourself and amazingly cost effective since you can save money on the food budget at the same time. Who’da thunk?)
3. Lay out and get a free tan (yes, you’ll have to save your pennies for that skin cancer surgery in the future but that’s LATER. This is NOW. Priorities an’ all).
4. Use the library—rumored to be almost as much fun as using drugs, or so I’ve been told (plus, there’s a really good book there called Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind--if it isn’t at your local library, you can always order it, for freeeeee!) (Or, hey, here's an idea! Write and publish a book and watch your Amazon number go up ,up and up (a bad thing) until you go stark raving mad thereby gaining yourself free lodging in the looney-bin.)
5. Climb the local mountain and yodel. (Bonus: If you have already been committed, no one will think twice about it.)
6. Drive around to locate some radical free-ranging wi fi and download a “watch-it-now movie from Netflix (these last two can only be considered free events if you siphon the gas needed for the trip from your neighbor's car. Have some class and choose a car belonging to a neighbor who hasn’t just been laid of—like one of the school district administrators).
7. Write a pithy post (or do what the really frugal people do and steal one).
8. Bribe a friend to do “Trading Spaces” with you. I hear they ruin your house with all the cameras they screw into the walls and ceilings but you might actually get some nice slipcovers out of the deal.
9. Go to the local discount store, open a box of cheap plastic baggies and slit open the bottom of a few baggies here and there. Imagine the looks on people’s faces when that stack of Oreos just slips right on through to crash onto the floor! (Kinda like what happened to me this morning. No, wait, EXACTLY what happened to me this morning!) The cost to you? Priceless! You just can’t buy entertainment like that!
Well, that’s all I’ve got. It used to be a longer list but in the 3.5 years since we have been gainfully employed, things have really gone up. Sadly, making your own cookies and sewing your own clothes are no longer cost effective. But camping out all night in front of the dollar store to catch the latest shipment as it comes in the door IS. Just be sure to get there early to muscle out the competition, i.e. the homeless who are living in the cardboard boxes. But be nice! They could be your neighbors one day soon.
(Check back later for an update: Will The Spouse get a pink slip today or not? Talk about suspense! Just another great idea for cheap entertainment right here at Dunhaven Place!)
Update: Okay, I would have been back sooner but I was having trouble with my internet. NO PINK SLIP! Woo Hoo! Of course The Spouse feels just terrible about seeing other teachers being called into the principal's office, many of them hired the same day he was. I guess that year when he went to school every other Saturday (for 12 months!) to get his bilingual teaching credential really paid off. Thanks for all your comments and support! It means so much!
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