7 AM: Little Guy sick. Big Guy sick. Me: sore throat and congestion (not ready to commit to “sick” yet). The Spouse's school is closed for flu but he still has to go to work.
8:30 AM: Since I don’t have to take the Little Guy to school, I got a head start on my morning routine. Feeling good! Open a new gallon of milk, unwittingly put a hole in it while trying to remove that stupid adult proof band around the cap with a knife, pour milk in cereal as well as down side of carton and all over the counter. Attempt to pour entire gallon of milk into another recently emptied carton causing it to foam up and spill over the top to join the puddle already made by the milk streaming out of the extra hole. Meanwhile, oatmeal congeals in its bowl.
8:35: clean up milk mess
8:38: eat four bites of cereal whilst watching Angel (of, er, ANGEL), turn into a puppet (Angel: Smile Time, Season 5). Giggle and laugh as if it’s going to be a great day.
8:40: phone rings. It’s the Middle Child’s school nurse informing me that MC fell off her bike on the way to school, her leg is scraped up and she can’t move her (multiply injured, previously dislocated, gosh-darned, I’m so tired of it!) shoulder (AGAIN!) “Ummmm,” I say, “so does that mean I need to come and get her?”
8:43: Have managed to put on some clothes and am inserting my contact lenses when one falls to the floor.
8:44: frantically look for contact.
8:46: find contact.
8:47: Drive to school to pick up Middle Child, completely oblivious to the fact that my seven year old is still asleep in bed (so is Big Guy but he’s used to being left alone).
8:55: Arrive at school and argue with MC who doesn’t want to go home but who is clearly in a lot of pain. Load her into the car, drive around to the bike rack to get bike, wrestle it into the back of the car, drive home.
9:05: It is five minutes past Big Guy’s usual medication time (you know, those meds that make his bipolar, depression and anxiety somewhat livable) but first I have to give him some cold meds to clear his throat so he doesn’t gag on the regular meds and throw up. But FIRST-first, I have to call the doctor and make an appointment for MC. (The MC is very stoic & never cries unless the need is great. She is now sobbing like a stuck pig.)
9:06: attempt to do something with my face (such as create eyebrows—I’m less frightening with eyebrows) and drive to the doctor, but not before I remember LG and get him loaded into the car. He amuses us the entire way with a snot-nose symphony punctuated with cries of “I have to go to the bathroom!”
9:15: arrive at doctor, get MC unloaded and inside and tell the nurse that I am not staying b/c I can’t leave LG alone in the car nor bring him in b/c he might have swine flu. Try not to take looks of horror personally and hasten back out to the car. Listen to more snot-nose symphony and “I really have to go!”
9:30: MC appears along with doctor who informs me nothing is broken but that she needs to wear a sling.
9:32 Drive to Kmart to buy sling. None to be had. However, I find the Ballet Slipper Pink spray paint I’ve been craving and consider it a fair exchange. MC does not agree. She wants to return to school but doesn’t want to use the sling she used last time (and the time before that), a perfectly respectable rectangle of cloth that came with an honest to goodness emergency kit. She says the kids accused her of tearing it out of a bed sheet and that her PE teacher thought she was faking b/c her sling was so lame. I shove a candy bar in her mouth and tell her it will have to wait until I can get LG to a bathroom and BG medicated.
10:15: Drag into the house. Crush some cold medicine into yogurt and take it to the BG. Call friend and cancel lunch date. Taste oatmeal—yuck! Pour myself a bowl of corn pops and watch Angel in puppet form ask Nina, the werewolf, girl out for a date (very big of him considering she tried to eat him the night previous).
10:45: soooooooo ready to go back to bed but I still have to crush and serve regular meds to the Big Guy, acquire a “cool” sling for the MC, call the elementary school about LG’s absence and possible contagious/fatal disease, blogs to read, a post to write . . .besides, my bed is currently occupied by MC who is watching TV while icing her shoulder.
The good news: My pink New Dawn climbing rose I planted 14 months ago is about to burst into its very first bloom any minute—thank goodness for small miracles!
47 wise, witty and wonderful comments
Wait, I'm still stuck on the fact that she didn't want to go back home. Your daughter is a nerd, just like I was.
And see how I turned out? You'll be fiiine.
Wow. What a morning!
I'm sorry things are kind of crazy around there. I hope you have some time to relax today. (Maybe while reading comments?) :)
wow!..i got dizzy reading that..
good thing you made it through!
i almost didn't!
Oh crapitty-crap-crap! I am so sorry.
Try spray painting the previous sling "ballet slipper pink" and see if that makes it more acceptable.j/k
Hope everyone feels better really soon. Like now.
Oh the life of a mother!! Darn, I'm sorry for the craziness, you handled it so well though! I want to see a picture of your rose (when it finally reveals itself)! :)
Wow. I thought I was having a bad day. I take it all back.
Although, you can't bet puppet Angel and a bowl of Corn Pops. That is just a sign of the good things to come! *fingers crossed... twice *
stupid Kmart. I hope you find a cool swing.
Is it wrong that I think it's funny that the PE teacher thought she was faking because of sling lameness?
I hope things get better!
I'm pretty sure I've had some similar days, but I've managed to block them out. I hope yours improves dramatically.
Having to use a knife to open a gallon of milk is always a bad omen.
What a crappy day for all. On the bright side, did you really get in to see your doc that quickly????
P.S. Those women in the Blogher ad on your side bar exclaiming over the brilliant post look somewhat deranged. (Also, it's clearly staged since they're not wearing pajamas.)
Yowza! With a day like that, I would risk contracting The Flu just so I could come and help you out with something. Anything! How 'bout I send all the good karma I can find your way?
if anyone deserves to take a break to stop and smell the roses it's you - enjoy it while you can.
I'm with Becky - we'll all pool our spare good Karma and send it your way!!!!
You guys are so sweet! And funny--you make me laugh. Just got back from another run to find a sling--yay Longs Drugs! The ballet slipper pink spray paint, though tempting, would not do for the MC. She is anti-pink. Off to check the dressed, deranged women on the BlogHer ad . . .
"her PE teacher thought she was faking b/c her sling was so lame."
!!! Her PE teacher didn't believe her? That is terrible!
Well i hope you have a better day soon!
Ah shucks Miss Heidi! I'm going to have to resort to my favorite Nacho Libre quote here.
Hug Hug. Kiss Kiss. Hug Hug. Big Kiss. Little Hug. Kiss Kiss. Little Kiss.
Oh, my word! At least your life is not in the least bit boring!
Oh how I loathe those kinds of mornings, wherein I begin to daydream that I had another way more fabulous life. I sincerely hope your day has resolved itself somewhat better, and let your husband have themthis evening for some you time.
Well that IS an exciting morning! Hope the second half of the day has been entirely uneventful...
I LOVE Angel---I used to watch that show religiously:) Spike is totally the best!
Oh sheesh, Heidi! I hope you make it through the rest of the day! Wow. I hope it's very uneventful. Tomorrow, too. And the next day. Heck, you deserve a week, at least.
I must be mean because I was laughing the entire time. That was very humorous and entertaining.
You could use duct tape in-lou of a sling!
What a nightmare. That is more than I could take in a week, let alone one morning.
Woah Lady! What a morning! Is it bad that I thought it was all very amusing? You're probably like, If you only knew?
Hope things get better!
Days like that should never happen. Good luck with all of it. Have you tried a medical supply store?
How worried are you about your little guy? Is he getting worse? Please update soon.
WOW thank goodness for the roses! That is quite a morning...
Hey Heidi....yikes....bet your glad the day is nearly over. Keep us updated on the Swine flu thing...as I'm sure you will. :) Also, thought I should mention I didn't get today's subject....till I realized then should be than.
And I thought standing in line at Taco Bell to get hubby lunch is terrible. I take every mean murmur I utter this morning. You definitely had a worse morning than anyone...just reading all that made me completely exhausted and frustrated..I can only imagine how you must feel.
I'm glad for the little miracle you have with the roses. I have a post today for all my wonderful followers, seeing how hectic your morning already is, I'll just save you the trip over to my blog and just tell you what I need from you...see how selfish I am, this is your blog and I'm telling you what I need...lol.
No, it's not big, I just need your mailing address so I can send you a mother's day shout out as thank you for following my blog...cool deal?
Sorry, the kids are all home using the computer all day and I can hardly get near it. Sheez! Sorry that I haven't been responding to your kind comments or reading your posts!! So far Little Guy is okay--Big Guy is much sicker but seems to be getting over it already.
Oh, Heidi, I'm laughing out loud. This is what I love about you. That you can turn a whole non-stop series of disasters into hilarity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had to pick up My MC from school today too. They are twins separated at birth. Mine is in my bathrobe, in my bed right now. I think she's turned her school-enforced sick day into a Spa Day.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at you... but half way through I was giggling... I'm sorry you had a hard day... but you helped brighten mine... is that okay???
Yeah, I feel badly about laughing too. But that was so dang funny. I'm sure you'll be able to laugh about it much later on. Oh, thank goodness for life's small miracles and a sense of humor!
Every word was true--but it's supposed to be funny--really! I'm glad it made you laugh--that's always the goal (well, except when I'm being serious). Anyway, I seem to be coming down with a fever now . . . joy.
I hope you are all on the mend soon. Hopefully the flu will turn out to be a spring cold!!
Feel better!
holy crap girl! I hope the rest of the day got better!!
When it rains it pours! Hope you have sunshine tomorrow!!
Hope you all feel better quickly!
Okay, so I know my last two comments have been all, "Don't worry, no one's going to get swine flu," but I admit to being worried about your LG now. Sure hope everything is okay!
yep, little miracles make all the other stuff so worth it. (sigh) hang in there, tomorrow's another day.
It will be all worth it when you get paid...oh wait...there's no paycheck for this job....BIG HUGGGGS!!!
Thanks for that story, next time I have a crazy morning I'll think of you and my crazy morning probably won't be as bad as yours was.
So what'd you have for lunch?!
I'm still crying for you...from the other day. What a compassionate friend I am. I really feel your pain.
Your morning adventures have made my night! Cruel I know but I was having an ick evening and your horrid morning account had me laughing out loud!
Your morning adventures have made my night! Cruel I know but I was having an ick evening and your horrid morning account had me laughing out loud!
I hope the roses are beautiful!
Snot nose symphony. I love it. Actually, I hate it. My daughter sneezes every morning and will suck the dangling snot back up into her nose rather than blow her nose. It drives me crazy!
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