Mothers are willing to do so much for their children. It’s not easy but we have faith that all the love & food and clothing & shelter and directing & teaching and hugs & kisses we give them will one day result in the reward we desire. We give and give and give and often feel as if we get little back---but we are willing to wait (and hope and pray and sometimes beg) that everything we put into our child will be worth it at some point in the future.
Plants and flowers are much the same. We plant them in good soil, we provide them sun and food and water and if we are true devotees, we talk to them. (Everybody does that—right?) (Seriously, everyone does!) (I am not a weirdo.) We are fully aware that the relationship is currently out of balance, that we are doing all the giving and the plant is just sitting there being small and non-talkative and a “taker”. However, we know that they will one day richly reward us for our trouble, much faster than even children will, and that very soon we will have the chance to feast on their beauty, revel in their fragrance, eat of their fruit and, if we are true devotees, kiss their velvety soft petals. (Not. A. Weirdo.) (I also love to put baby toes in my mouth but still—not a weirdo!)
Adults, however, are not always so generous with other adults. We make our deposits into the relationship bank with the expectation that others will make corresponding deposits before too much time passes. Meanwhile, we willingly allow them to make withdrawals from the account as long as they don’t run into the red. Complicating matters a bit is the fact that some of us have different perceptions as to what is a true deposit and what is a true withdrawal. One can go into the red with one withdrawal simply because we are unaware as to how much it cost the person on the other end of the transaction or because one has overestimated the worth of their deposits in the eyes of another. Or perhaps, we go blithely along not realizing that our account with a certain person is overdrawn while the person who feels like a run has been made on her bank sits and fumes in silent resentment (after all, it’s not polite to talk about money).
What does one do when they feel that their relationship account with another is sadly overdrawn?
What does one do when one truly wants to make deposits but genuinely doesn’t have the wherewithal to do so?
How long should we be patient with someone we care about? Should we carry the account indefinitely?
Here is the hardest question of all: What do two people who care about each other do when both feel like their account has been overdrawn and both feel that they have nothing left to give? (Please tell me, because I really need to know.) (And, no, I'm not talking about me and The Spouse--didn't you read my last post?)
Adults, however, are not always so generous with other adults. We make our deposits into the relationship bank with the expectation that others will make corresponding deposits before too much time passes. Meanwhile, we willingly allow them to make withdrawals from the account as long as they don’t run into the red. Complicating matters a bit is the fact that some of us have different perceptions as to what is a true deposit and what is a true withdrawal. One can go into the red with one withdrawal simply because we are unaware as to how much it cost the person on the other end of the transaction or because one has overestimated the worth of their deposits in the eyes of another. Or perhaps, we go blithely along not realizing that our account with a certain person is overdrawn while the person who feels like a run has been made on her bank sits and fumes in silent resentment (after all, it’s not polite to talk about money).
What does one do when they feel that their relationship account with another is sadly overdrawn?
What does one do when one truly wants to make deposits but genuinely doesn’t have the wherewithal to do so?
How long should we be patient with someone we care about? Should we carry the account indefinitely?
Here is the hardest question of all: What do two people who care about each other do when both feel like their account has been overdrawn and both feel that they have nothing left to give? (Please tell me, because I really need to know.) (And, no, I'm not talking about me and The Spouse--didn't you read my last post?)
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at Friday, February 26, 2010
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