While Visions of Sugar Plums Dance in My Head  

Posted by Heidi in

I was leafing through some old blog posts (if it can be said that one leafs via computer screen--if one can’t, I am hereby officially filing a protest against technology and how it’s making so many lovely words useless, obsolete and no longer needed whilst adding some pretty ugly words to the vernacular such as "blogger", "webinar", "blogosphere" and all those products that start with the lower case letter “i”, a fact that has my 9 year old utterly perplexed) (sorry, Lara, for the lengthy interjection) and even chuckling at a few of them, causing my blue mood over the Christmas tree lights that have gone on strike, the pain in every part of my body due to the coming rain and the fact that there is no magic wand that can turn my favorite holiday cookies into the gluten-free version, to lighten perceptibly.

One post, in particular, really made me laugh which is a mean feat in light of my light-less, pain-filled, candy-cane-cookie-free Christmas and I feel prompted to repost it. However, one cannot underestimate one’s appreciation for one’s own words, regardless of their true worth and, therefore, can’t guarantee that YOU will be glad one took time out from her pity party to post a rerun. Yet, here I am in full-wallow (though, as I said, that in which I wallow has become less deep) with an old list of search word terms (a word or group of words a person typed into a search engine that led them, for better or for worse, to my blog) spit out by my google watch-dog, as well as a few newer ones I thought worth including.

Super Romance a fake? (remember the fake My Super Romance blog? How I got hits on that is rather remarkable but it just goes to show how interested everyone was in the whole darn thing—kudos to Sue!)
Iconic eyebrows (yes, I have one)
Problem children refusing to be clean (I’m an expert in this one)
Best tattoos ever
Tom Welling dressed in Superman clothes (good luck, but if you find one, will you PLEASE forward it to me?) (Two years later, I’m still interested.)
Totally shocking (but not surprising)
Clone Avril Lavigne (must we?)
Best tattoo Switzerland (I really must stop posting about tattoos)
Squirting twin sisters (I don’t want to know)
Burning alcohol fumes drunk (I am leading a whole generation astray)
Anglophile living in England (is possible? Well, yes, if I moved there, that’s exactly what I’d be)
Can’t take him anywhere (amen sister!)
How wheat was made (I’m scared)
William Shatner illness (now I’m worried—a world without WS is a world without, er, um, Shakespeare. Am I right?)
Wheat brain (and here I thought it was only me)
Young and tender (we’re talking about edible plant shoots here, right?)
Feet in your face (this one is becoming a perennial favorite)
Drunk off alcohol fumes (fumes happen)
Men like romance (good to know)
Steal child (please don’t)
Is being whiny contagious (an emphatic yes!)
My mind go blank (clearly)
Obsessions with illness in head (me too!)
Wheat I say to my mother in anniversarys mothers day (original spelling preserved)
Dunhaven key chain (I want one!)
Humid seat hot (indeed it is!)
Bichons with curly hair (if your bichon doesn’t have curly hair, what you’ve got there is an imposter, otherwise known as a Maltese)
Methinks she who said it (it probably was)
How many pounds Tom Welling? (is nothing sacred?)
You-tube family members in polymer clay (this seems a good way to bend people to one’s will)
Peer gynt syndrome (I had no idea, but I probably have it)
Why does my mind go blank? (I can’t remember)
How to create my blanks ( )

And here are some of the more recent gems:

What is a romantic idealist (someone who lives life in torturous emotional pain)
Idealists easily hurt (see above)
Extension cords from Christmas vacation (I hadn’t realized this phenomenon existed only for those lucky enough to vacation at Christmas)
Messy house and laundry everywhere OR messy house OR messy kitchen (I get ‘em all and lots of ‘em but my favorite one is “messy house because of fibromyalgia”-- as if anyone needed to google it to make sure their house was indeed messy because of unremitting pain greatly exacerbated by cleaning the house)
Avril Lavigne car (or husband or boyfriend or hat, either way, I seem to be the source of all things Avril)
One computer by child (I believe it)
Romantic tombstone (I’m probably the only blog that came up on that list)
Buy Martha Stewart ironstone white paint (Do!)
Font a Lolita scorned (I very much want and must have a font that smacks of “Lolita scorned”)
Are teens really incapable of cleaning their rooms (let’s be fair and look at the evidence .. . yes, they are)
Miss awful the book (trying not to think too much about that one)
Take girl feeling blue (yes, please!)

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 12, 2010 at Sunday, December 12, 2010 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

12 wise, witty and wonderful comments

So funny! I haven't checked my blog stats in so long, I forgot how many giggles I've been missing out on!

December 12, 2010 at 3:46 PM

You really have a very eclectic blog!

December 12, 2010 at 4:26 PM

I loved Sue's romance blog and actually miss Cordy--I hope someday Sue finishes it!

December 12, 2010 at 6:50 PM

You cover the whole gamut, sister!

December 12, 2010 at 8:04 PM

Your google search list made me happy. I love the commentary on the human race that google searches provide to us. I'm not sure what it all means, but I do enjoy it.

And, truth be known, yours are some of my favorite parenthetical sidenotes. I think I'll call that other author and send her to you for lessons on how to do it properly. :)

December 12, 2010 at 8:30 PM

It really is scary what people are searching for, I don't get that many searches but I take thats because no one else searches for the dark things inside my head... :)

December 13, 2010 at 9:47 AM

Those searches are amusing. I get the majority of my search hits from people searching for "starving children in Africa". Ha!

December 13, 2010 at 12:46 PM

Drat. Got a little ahead of myself. Meant to also say that I hope the pain lets up soon and that you experience some joy soon!

December 13, 2010 at 12:47 PM

I think I love the one about bendy people on you-tube because your comment was most hilarious! =D

December 13, 2010 at 8:41 PM

I would say search terms: interesting/strange; your comments about search terms: HILARIOUS!

December 14, 2010 at 12:34 AM

That's kind of cool! I think I need to check out my stats thingy and see what's been happening. What funny searches! =)

Hope you are feeling better. =D

December 14, 2010 at 7:12 AM

and now I must check... I have the feeling my top hit is still "Jacuzzi" after that toilet post... it's been getting thousands of hit per month (NONE of whom stick around long!)

December 14, 2010 at 11:19 AM

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