"My Kitchen, A Literal House of Horror", or, "Baking Can Kill You"
Posted by Heidi in disease and death by cookies, of illness

It was time to say goodbye to Colorado.
Goodbye cute little house with the wide front porch!
Goodbye fairly new carpet we paid to have installed!
Goodbye sweet vintage neighborhood in the heart of town!
Wait! Rewind back to the day or so before when a good friend brought us a plate of cookies. Ah! These cookies! They were gorgeous heart-shaped affairs, frosted in pastel colors and finished off with white dots around the edge. Tasting one was an entirely different affair, not a jaded affaire de coeur, an affair of the taste buds. I had never met cookies like these and they made me want to set up housekeeping together. They were not the crisp, crunchy sugar cookies of my Christmas-youth but thick, soft, mouth-watering delights that crumbled obligingly against my teeth and filled my mouth with rich, creamy flavor.
As soon as the internet was connected in our new home (old home, sorta, but that’s another story, perhaps one left untold in order to protect the innocent, as well as the guilty) I emailed my friend “Wendy” (actually, her name really was Wendy) to beg her for the recipe. To my delight, she quickly obliged.
Being that it was pretty much Thanksgiving and we had a week’s worth of work ahead of us divesting the new/old house of junk, ripping up carpets and painting over the mold on the walls, I didn’t get around to whipping up a batch of these cookies until Christmas (I thought about them a lot in between, though). Since then, these soft sugar cookies (the secret ingredient is cream cheese) have been a Christmas staple at our house and around our neighborhood. (Whether they want them or not) (Because I always double the recipe) (And we just can’t eat ‘em all).
Fast forward to yesterday. I had signed up to bring two dozen homemade cookies to the Linger Longer after church (today). Instead of choosing to make my chocolate chip specials (pictured below), a cookie I worked at weekly for three years in the quest to find perfection (but also so that we would have fresh baked homemade chocolate chip cookies available at all times) I chose to make the cream cheese sugar cookies. Why? ‘Cause I was in an obsessive state (just so you know, that’s all behind me now, thank goodness—at least for four weeks, anyway) and had, HAD, HAD to make something that resembled the beautifully frosted goodies that are pictured at the top of this post.
Problem #1: I couldn’t find my recipe so chose one off of the internet that looked like it was close. (It had twice the amount of cream cheese in the frosting than was needful.)
Problem #2: It was roughly 100 degrees yesterday, 110 the day before that, and my house was hot
Problem #3: I used cream cheese frosting instead of royal icing to make my white dots. Sad.
Problem #4: Apparently the cream cheese went “off” (I thought it tasted a trifle sour) and we all woke up this morning with stomach pain and the other usual consequences of food gone bad.
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- Heidi
- Wife, mother, novelist, gardener, bloggist, lover of good books, roses and vintage charm; passionate about her family, words, roses, vintage home decor, found treasures and the color pink.
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