Because I am a results oriented gal, that’s why. Good fruits and fast, that’s what I’m after, and flowers are more accommodating than children in that way (in fact, in just about every way).

Sitemeter, on the other hand, is a deceiver, a maker of promises while delivering hollow, false truths. It looked, at first, to be a perfect match, Sitemeter and me. Results are the name of the game: when, how many, how long, motives, interest, location, google search words, what more could a girl ask? But then something happened that was so misleading, initially scintillating and ultimately humiliating that I am tempted to break the whole thing off.

Night before last, I had a visitor from a heretofore unknown quantity, a new town, a new creature who not only logged onto my blog with amazing frequency throughout the evening and far into the next day, but who stayed so long she seemed to be reading everything I had written with alarming voracity. At first I was flattered, I was charmed, I thought, Wow, this person rocks! She (my readers are always “she” in my mind) was on my site for 30 minutes, then 40 minutes, then two hours later, 73 minutes! What words could I possibly have used that had such power to seduce? It boggled the mind.

Then I realized, I knew, there was no doubt. The visitor was I. Me. Whatever.

Apparently, for some reason, a reason I shall keep under wraps for the present time, Sitemeter started counting my visits, something I had told Sitemeter very specifically NOT TO DO. I didn’t want to have my visits, my constant page refreshing and obsessive wanderings, counted. Suddenly, they were being counted again but under the guise of a new town. I wasn’t XXX, the town where I live, (apparently that’s too easy) or XXXX, the town Sitemeter used to display my hits in the beginning, before I told it to stop, or even XXXX the town Sitemeter used to display my hits between the time I told it to stop and it finally did. (Stop.) Now I am XXXX a town I have never heard of but is, sadly for me and my ignorant geographical skills, only 19 miles away.

I have since slapped the hand of Sitemeter and told it not to count me or my visits or my obsessive page refreshing. All I can say is I hope Sitemeter is more obedient than children or it just might be over, kaput, splitsville for us. Just saying.