Seven Things You (Mostly) Don't Know About Me  

Posted by Heidi in

1. I was a bridezilla. Only, don’t verify this with any of my sisters as they will surely scoff and politely point out that the bridezilla condition is one that begins and ends with an engagement. (Don’t you believe them.)

2. I have an identical twin sister. Some of you have read about it here before which prompted a few of you to actually accuse me of actually lying about having an actual twin. In my defense, posting a pic of me and claiming it was her is not lying. We are identical, people! Identical! Sheez! However, in order to prove there are two of us out there, I have posted a photo of us together, looking thoroughly identical. As, indeed, we are.



I am the demure, modest one. She is the one with her arm around my shoulders patiently explaining why it is okay for an 18 month old to expose her diaper. How weird that I was so modest at such a young age! How weird that she so well understood what it meant to be a baby when she was just a baby! I blame our four older sisters as they were already in school and well versed in boy-girl relationships and cooties. (And, no, our mother did not let us out of the house with our bodices (bodici?) covered with lint. I blame the age of the picture which is, in fact, so old, it could only have been taken before I was born).

3. I was sure as shootin’ going to be a ballerina and took lessons off and on from age eight until I got engaged (the bridezilla condition does not mix well with ballet steps such as battement and coupe jete en tournant—an innocent bystander innocently commenting on the wisdom of mint green bridesmaid’s dresses could get hurt—very innocently, bien sur). I graciously gave up the idea when I realized dancing on stage involved a goodly amount of time sans underwear. Of any kind. Whatsoever. (My lack of talent had nothing to do with it. At all. Whatsoever.) In spite of this, I sure as shootin’ insisted my little girl take lessons when she was old enough to toddle a la echappe but it was not to be. She quit six weeks after she began, citing some mumbo jumbo along the lines of stage moms and something that sounded a lot like “child abuse”. I can’t be sure what with her speaking to her teacher way out there on the dance floor in that adorable toddlerease, an’ all.


4. My teeth are yellow. Like, reeeaallly yellow. This is why I don’t wear dark lipstick. This is also why I don’t often flash them in photos (except in the one above--true, at 18 months I was old enough to know all about undies and how girls shouldn’t display them but I was shockingly clueless as to the desirability of white teeth). This came about due to a drug overdose. I would blame myself but it was my mother who wielded the spoon full of toxins she poured down my toothless maw when I was only two weeks old. You would think the police would get involved but she was covered by a prescription. (I'm kidding people, kidding! I was sick and needed antibiotics.) As a result, my baby teeth were mostly brown. Shortly after the above photo was taken, I twigged to the fact that brown teeth were not only sad but a bit of a show-stopper. I didn’t smile at all for many, many years after that. (Now, I’m so used to them that when a dentist asks if I would like him to do “something about those teeth” I pretty much just stare at him in acute astonishment.)

5. I have ESP. Well, just a sprinkling of it. I often know who is on the phone when it rings, I walk into the kitchen a few seconds before the oven timer goes off (but only if it’s cookies b/c otherwise, who cares?) and I often dream about a person from whom I haven’t heard in a while the night before they call me out of the blue. This little bit of prescience, coupled with common sense and lots of mommy intuition, has the Big Guy absolutely convinced I have eyes in the back of my head. This is very useful in dealing with a wiser-than-his-years-but-somewhat-demented nineteen year old.


6. I hate feet. I think they are the ugliest part of the body for public consumption. (I was going to clarify but I won’t.) Toes are particularly unappealing (though they have grown on me since this whole toe-nudity fashion thing has been going on). However, my most favorite body part of all time is baby toes. (Ironic! I know!) They look like something that should be in a jar of marinade. I can’t keep them out of my mouth. Until one of my children is old enough to sweat, his/her feet are like a siren call. So soft! So pink! So sweet! This penchant of mine makes my threat of chopping up the toes of the disobedient and sautéing them in butter and garlic for breakfast all the more believable. My kids never know whether to laugh or cry when I say that. (That’s just the way I like it. They’re so much easier to gag and hog-tie when befuddled.)

7. And the seventh thing you don’t know about me is that I have a winner for the Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind T-shirt Contest! Yay! Congratulations to Gramee of Gramee’s Porch!




Please keep in mind this photo of your shirt is a mock up and a photo of my computer screen, to boot (in other words, the actual shirt will look much better) (I hope) (and pray) (because I’m righteous like that). Email me at write2me@heidiashworth.com with the desired shirt size and your address and this shirt will be on your doorstep ASAP! STAT! and all that. But first, I have to buy the cotton, plant it, harvest it, put it through that cotton gin thing, card it, weave it, worst it, wash it, blow dry it, and make it into a shirt (does anyone know anyone who can sew?) Hey, there’s nothing I won’t do for a fan of Miss D!

This entry was posted on Friday, January 23, 2009 at Friday, January 23, 2009 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

48 wise, witty and wonderful comments

Heidi, that story about your mom and the drugs made me so sad! I used to work with drug addict moms for years, and it was heartbreaking at times.

Oh, and I might be posting a picture of my feet in the near future. Sorry.

January 23, 2009 at 11:46 AM

People! Kristina is so funny! She knows I am kidding about having a drug addicted mom. She was only kid addicted (I have 7 siblings). I had roseola when I was two weeks old and the antibiotics turned my teeth brown. (I knew I was going to have to eat my words with that one but not on the first comment!)

January 23, 2009 at 11:48 AM

Wait! YOU HAVE COOKIE ESP???
Where do I sign up for that?

"but only if it’s cookies b/c otherwise, who cares?"

So so profound.


:)

January 23, 2009 at 11:56 AM

I have the phone ESP too. And since I don't have caller ID, it comes in very handy.

Don't teeth whiteners work? My dad had the same problem, and I guess they didn't work for him, he had to get them bonded. But his were really horrible...like brown stripes on his teeth. All to do with some medication he had while young.

January 23, 2009 at 12:03 PM

I was happy until the 7th thing. It was supposed to be me!

Love the twins picture:)

January 23, 2009 at 12:28 PM

i can no longer complain i have never won anything,,
no longer will anyone ever feel sorry for me!!
thank you thank you!
i will email my info!

January 23, 2009 at 12:38 PM

I'm sure your mom will appreciate the drug clarification bit!
Loved the line of the picture being so old you must not have been born yet. And I'm totally with you on the ballet thing---underwear was invented for a reason, right? An extra layer of clothing really never hurt anybody. I'm all for ballerinas wearing sweat suits.

January 23, 2009 at 12:51 PM

Okay THIS is funny. I especially love the part about you and your twin and what's going on in the picture. Funny!

And the ballerina part was interesting. And I really, really hated the part about the toes sauteed with garlic.

Greg constantly pulls off babies socks (our babies until they're three or four) to eat them up, too. And I woke up in the night and couldn't fall back to sleep at the very hour my friend far far away who I hadn't communicated with for months had her baby. And pretty much any time something big happens in her family, I know about it (not necessarily exactly what it is, but I at least know that something happened). And I almost always wake up 3-5 minutes before my alarm goes off, but that one's normal, I know.

January 23, 2009 at 1:02 PM

I love lists like these. Fascinating!

January 23, 2009 at 1:02 PM

You are so identical to your sister in appearance. I enjoyed the old photo. You are interesting. Actually, I'm always impressed how really interesting people are. We go around thinking that we are nothing special, but it's not the case. I enjoyed your meme.

January 23, 2009 at 1:06 PM

I agree on the toes... ick. SIL (not Megz, the other one) convinced me to post my recently pedicured tootsies once and it shall never happen again!

congrats to Gramee on the t-shirt!

January 23, 2009 at 1:18 PM

all of these things are so interesing. I am soo w/ you on the feet thing. and twin? cool!

January 23, 2009 at 1:19 PM

"I often know who is on the phone when it rings."

Isn't caller-ID great?

January 23, 2009 at 1:23 PM

You know so much french! Even if it is ballet terms. I am very impressed.

The cookie/ESP line is one of my favorites of all time.

January 23, 2009 at 1:32 PM

I always wake up a few minutes before my alarm goes off. I must be your other long lost twin!

January 23, 2009 at 1:40 PM

Randi--thanks. I'll have to send you a batch of presciently timed cookies. Lara--not really. It just comes back--it's not on the surface, it's pretty much goes through the whole tooth. That darn tetracycline! Barb--sorry! I wish everyone could have won! Gramee-wow! really! The first thing you have ever won? Cool! Megz--I'm just naturally modest (see pic for verification). Lisa--I did not make up a word of the twin thing. We actually had a conversation about why it was okay for our diapers to show in "baby talk". This is one of a series of pictures. In the next picture, I have spread my feet apart in a bid at rebellion but by the next picture I am pretty darn annoyed with my twin being all motherly with me (she's only 5 minutes older for pity sakes!) and I'm trying to get her hand off of my shoulder. OH, and my feet are together at the toes. My bid for rebellion didn't last long. Luisa--thank you! Heatherlyn--I agree. I think it's the people who find others fascinating that blog. The people who really don't, don't. T--yeah, well, you'll never see my tootsies in a picture. Yuck! STacey-really? I wouldn't have bored people with it all if I hadn't been tagged and convinced that the taggist would love love love it. (I'm so easy.) Reed. Clearly you don't believe in my prescience. I see a very uncomfortable incident in your near future. Erin--thanks. It's just the gol-awful truth--that's really how I feel about these things. (I took ballet AND french, so . . . .) Becky--you can be twins with me anytime! Love you!

January 23, 2009 at 1:56 PM

Okay, I can't even comment on the things I just read. Just know that I laughed really REALLY hard.

January 23, 2009 at 2:07 PM

So all of your ballet must have been where you learned your French. I love how you drizzle it over your blog posts. C'est magnifique!

Love finding out all of the human things about you. I think we would be good friends even if I ever let you meet me. LOL

January 23, 2009 at 2:10 PM

Becky--thank you! I love it when I make people laugh. Sometimes my humor is a bit dry and people miss it. Bummer. Kazzy--so THAT'S why I haven't met you! I've been wondering! (I took french in high school, several years of it. I was horrible with the writing but I could have a conversation in French four years later with a native speaker and she even understood some of it. Alas, I have forgotten most of it now, malheurseument (malheurseument--unfortunately--and jardin (garden) being my fave french words)

January 23, 2009 at 2:19 PM

I wanted to be a ballerina too. SO badly. Except I never took any ballet classes. I think I was 11 or so when I realized that this was a problem ...

January 23, 2009 at 3:38 PM

Loved the picture. This was so funny. I totally got your dry humor about the drug overdose. My sister had that happen to her teeth also. It is a bummer, though. Good that you don't let it bother you though.

January 23, 2009 at 3:53 PM

The more I learn about you the more interesting I think you are. But I have to admit that toes thing . . . just a little scary.:-)

January 23, 2009 at 4:52 PM

Hi Heidi. I will return. Just wanted you to know I was here. :)

January 23, 2009 at 5:18 PM

"I see a very uncomfortable incident in your near future."

Is that a threat, Heidelberg?

January 23, 2009 at 5:41 PM

An identical twin sister --that is the coolest ----was that fun growing up. How awesome!!!!! and I think feet are soooooooooo cool as they are all so different. Mine are very sexy

January 23, 2009 at 5:42 PM

Mina--that is so funny! Nutty hamster--well, not anymore. There were those years of no smiling . . . Joy, not to worry, your toes are safe, on many counts. Hi Jami! Reed--it's Heidelsberg--note the "s". (Heidelberg with no "s" is just a town in Germany) Was that some kind of a threat? Are you going to start a blog called The Truth About Dunhaven Place? Could be fun, no? Wendy-wow! You're pretty interesting, too!

January 23, 2009 at 5:52 PM

Your threat had me laughing.

January 23, 2009 at 5:53 PM

I'm jealous. I have a kitchen timer ESP too, but it'd be way cool to have dream and phone ESP. :)

January 23, 2009 at 6:36 PM

I totally have the ESP thing going on too... sometimes, it's a little creepy... I hate feet too, my sister Nancy has toe thumbs. I don't know why you needed to know that, but I tell everyone.

January 23, 2009 at 6:55 PM

My lil' troopers are identical twins who also spoke "twinglish." No one believed us until the neighbor child started speaking it with them and then the university wanted my children to be guinea pigs. I nipped that one in the bud. The General & I ended up having to speak ASL to get the twins to talk to US! Now they're lil' jabberers. We created 2 monsters.

I gotta run--Twin A thinks his finger is falling off because of a broken nail.

P.S. Picked up Miss D @ B&N today! So far, the first two pages have been great!

January 23, 2009 at 7:27 PM

I have ESP too.

YOU? A bridezilla. No WAY.


I LOOOOVE random things about you. :)

January 23, 2009 at 7:31 PM

For reals - dancers can't wear underwear onstage? That would disturb me as well!

Hey, you never answered my Jeeves and Wooster question a few posts back. Have you ever seen that series?

January 23, 2009 at 8:14 PM

I loved reading all this stuff about you. And I am the same way with knowing who is calling on the phone (but only if it's my husband or my mother) and also with the oven and the cookies. Because, yeah, who would ever anticipate the buzzer on something like fishsticks?

January 23, 2009 at 10:07 PM

Heidi, you crack me up. (Why don't I follow your blog?) I am almost done with my copy of Miss Delacourt and am LOVING it. (Why don't I follow your blog?) I am babbling about your book to anyone who will listen, including the grocery store clerk yesterday...seriously. (Why don't I follow your blog?)

-Francesca

PS: I corrected the error of my ways.

January 24, 2009 at 5:16 AM

Christine, you wouldn't laugh if I had ever tried to eat your baby toes . . Annette--you are so funny! Abra--toes thumbs! Gross! My daughter has spatulate thumbs and that is bad enough. Laura--you have identical twins? cool! And you have read two pages of Miss D? yay! Heather--if you really had ESP, you would know the answer to your question (jk--we both know it doesn't work that way) Rachel--I answered your question on your blog--(IOW mais oui!) Melissa, you are a woman after my own heart, Francesca, I have no answers for you but you did the right thing. (You read my book? You babble about it? You live in San Fran? We should so totally get together!)

January 24, 2009 at 11:09 AM

My sister and I used to wish all the time we were twins, and I would LOVE to have twins! Would you recommend it? hahaha I don't mind feet, but they are super gross, all kinds of germs and diseases in your toe nails. Sicko.

word ver.: ounderag
I don't know why, that just makes me laugh! haha

January 24, 2009 at 11:20 AM

You and your sister were so cute in that picture!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing some of your quirks with us!

January 25, 2009 at 7:32 AM

Now that was worth waiting for! Well played, ma-Dame 'eiDee. :)

And if I possessed any of your storied prescience, I would have added an eighth item to *my* 'Seven Things.' I have something in common with YOU: That dreaded tetracycline poisoning. Mine was as a result of tonsillitis when I was five, which was before you were born, which consequently makes me kinda scratch my head as to why they were still using that crappy drug so many years later!

I know a lot of folks of my generation with dingy teeth as a result of having tetracycline administered to them as a child, and I am sorry you've had to shoulder that same burden.

Fortunately for me, my case wasn't too severe, although I still view people with brilliant white teeth with impossible jealousy. But alas, I covet coffee more than a blinding smile, so dingy my toofs remain.

Good news for me is I have Photoshop and know how to use it... ;)

Great post. Thanks for playing...

Sorry for the rambling comment...

January 25, 2009 at 5:16 PM

You made me laugh out loud several times! Ah, what I've missed in the last week!

You wouldn't want to see my feet right now. Two words: Ped Egg.

January 25, 2009 at 8:37 PM

It was good to read more about you. I think I knew you were a twin, at least it sounds familiar. I know my dad and his identical twin used to play all sorts of mean tricks on their teachers and stuff when they were little. Now it just confuses all the people in town who know one or the other, it always catches them off guard.
Anyway, thanks for the post.
xoxox

January 25, 2009 at 8:42 PM

It was good to read more about you. I think I knew you were a twin, at least it sounds familiar. I know my dad and his identical twin used to play all sorts of mean tricks on their teachers and stuff when they were little. Now it just confuses all the people in town who know one or the other, it always catches them off guard when they see the other one.
Anyway, thanks for the post.
xoxox

January 25, 2009 at 8:43 PM

That really is an adorable picture of you and Holly! I love it! And really Heidi, I don't htink your teeth are as yellow as you think. I'm a tooth nut and I have never once thought that your teeth looked yellow. So, there you go. You have a beautiful smile.:)

January 25, 2009 at 8:46 PM

Melinda--hmmm, let's see--it was great as a kid but it has it's draw backs as an adult. And a teenager. It's a real head trip sometimes. Heidi--thank you! AJ---well, see now you don't know whether or not to blame zee coffay or the meds. I have photoshop too! I guess I just don't know how to use it. We like rambling around here so no need to worry! Ramble away! Rebecca--I have a ped egg! It's great! Hey, have you been sick, or what? I've missed something, haven't I? Glad you are going to do the tag, though! I don't think I have ever met your dad's twin but I met your dad before you did. He was such a fun guy! I have called chipmunks monkey-chips ever since. Ahh, Jenny, you are so sweet! (Really! Never noticed? Pshaw!!)

January 25, 2009 at 9:43 PM

Okay, your verifier say booksbe

HOW COOL IS THAT?

OMGOSH you really do have a twin. Well, I have to say that you are the much prettier twin of the two.

And you're a way clevererish writer than her too!

Great entry. So fun to read about you from the mouth of YOU. hee hee

January 26, 2009 at 1:13 PM

That is so awesome about the ESP. Wow. We should channel it somehow. Like maybe we could have a mind reading segment on the Crash Test Dummy Show. hee hee

January 26, 2009 at 1:13 PM

I've always had slight ESP too. High Five, soul sistah!

January 26, 2009 at 1:14 PM

This is a great, great post. Loved all the talk of teeth, twinship, etc. Very entertaining. (Can't you get them Zoomed? Assuming, of course, that you'd drop that kind of cash.)

January 26, 2009 at 8:34 PM

Ah, Crash, I have you running scared don't I? That's the last time I email you and whine about not commenting on my blog (I feel so guilty!) Barb--if only I HAD that kind of cash to drop--if I did, I would spend it on something else, I'm sure. See, I don't have to look at my teeth all day. Sadly, others do but that's not my problem. (btw, thanks Barb! Glad you liked it!)

January 26, 2009 at 8:58 PM

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