I love you Jami!

Feeling for you! WOW! I think I would have had a small house fire or something and oh, no- the papers were sitting next to the stove (because I was reading them as I was preparing dinner) and a flame shot out from the stove and caught them on fire. (No one needs to know that my stove is a glasstop electric.)

You've hit upon the one thing that I canNOT stand (which sounds very rude, but I only mean that it sort of hurts me). Even "good" poets and smart people sometimes use words that half-rhyme. I have a really hard time with half-rhymes. I feel sort of bad about this because I really know nothing about poetry (except that I really love some of it) and this is such a nitpicky thing. Even if a poem is really good, if it has half-rhymes (or less than half) I still get stuck on them and cannot appreciate the humor or beauty of any poem that contains them.

Excellent post! I took a writing class in college. Part of the class was poetry. Although the information was interesting, I have learned...poetry is difficult to write and you have to really know your stuff! At least you were honest with your neighbor.

I am in no way a writer, but I do know those poetry books are scams. So sad!

I had a similar experience with a lady I VT and a manuscript she did. It was so awful. I was miserable for months, trying to think of how to say it.

Aaargh.

There seems to be an entire set of "poets" who self-identify as such because they are competent rhymers. Some even have a good ear for meter. I am extremely good at those two skills myself, and have been known to jot down a silly rhyme or two for my kids or mother. But I am fully aware that I am no poet. I don't think it's in me at all to be one. Poor HA.

I used to proofread papers for a college friend. Every three or four sentences, I had to re-read the assignment instructions because I had no idea what the heck this girl was going on about. I thought I'd be honest, yet tactful, and perhaps things would go well. Wrong-o! She loved my honesty - go figure - and asked me to help proofread her papers for the rest of the year!! That, coupled with your story, tells me that honesty is not always a good thing... :)

Do you read Richard Wilbur? I love his poetry, whether it rhymes or not.

I must confess that I once used the half-rhyme midst/bits. It was in a sonnet entitled "Thoughts on Lines by Frost." I turned it in for a lit. assignment at BYU. The assignment was to write a two page explication of a poem, and even though I only wrote fourteen lines, the professor gave me an A- on the paper, so I guess she didn't mind the half rhyme too much.

While I can agree that being asked to critique creative writing can be painful, when I was teaching Gospel Doctrine in our ward I was asked by one of the High Priests to critique an essay he had written about the atonement. In my opinion, the doctrine was way out in left field. It was awkward to say the least.

I just wrote long responses to each of your comments and my daughter made them all go away. Could be worse...I could be asked to proof someone's 2000 page handwritten life story.

Pam, my FIL wrote a book of doctrinal explanations that was so freakish that even my husband didn't know what to say about it!

Ha ha ha ha ha. You are the best Jami. I always love whatever you write. You need to write write write!!! You da bomb.

I'm so sad I was left out of the company of all my favorite writers who are guest posting for Miss Heidi.

Becky, people who don't know how to write have no idea how hard it is to edit, tactfully and usefully. I have learned my lesson though. Never again.

Mina, I am such a poor rhymer, but I appreciate the skilled and insightful rhyming poetry. To me rhymes work best with sweet and silly subjects. I love me some Ogden Nash!

MJ, yes! Months of dread.
Unless I know the person can write, I will not read acquaintances' efforts any more. Join me--just say no!

heidi, normally those scam-books make me crazy, but in H.A.'s case, they have brought so much joy. It's just hard for those of us accosted in the hall to listen to the latest and greatest

Carolyn, some forms aren't hard at all--haiku and limerick for instance. People see the rhymes in more complex poetry and don't notice all of the other elements that good poets craft into their work. I still haven't written a rhyming poem that I like.

Lisa, amen! I fixate on it even in hymns. I wish I didn't notice. It'd be so much simpler, so much less painful.

yb4e, I love you too! I still worry about how I can get this book back to HA without having to comment. A freak accident may be the way to go. I've got a gas stove.

Hi Crash! Thanks. I do need to write, but I can only write well in absolute silence. Since the 1st grader has come back to home, silence is hard to come by.

Be ye not sad. I love you and so do hundreds of your little peeps, including Heidi.

Oh, my. So with you on that one.

I will confess something here that only my husband knows about:
My BIL read a poem that he had written to his wife on their wedding day. At the luncheon. In front of everyone. Everyone is thinking: oh, isn't this sweet! he wrote her a poem! Me: struggling to contain my horror. Why?
Every line rhymed.
Every. Single. Line.

And I'm not talking in couplets. I mean, the same rhyme.
"you are sublime
till the end of time
I like to rhyme.
I also like lime."

And on and on.

I wanted to rip my ears off of my head. Or the paper out of his hands. It was ridiculous. And so long. Who knew that there were so many words that rhymed with time? (actually, I can't remember the specific rhyme. But there were so many.)

The thing that kills me? My BIL and I graduated from college with exactly the same degree. *shudder*

Friends don't let friends read their bad poetry. The best critic is the one that doesn't know you or care about you.

Honestly, I struggled with poetry until my husband, who is an English prof., helped me to come at it from a better angle.

It is a tough thing to appreciate.

Rachel, what a horror story! Noooooooo! I miss having a nursing baby to get me out of moments like that.

Kazzy, you are so right! I still regret asking a friend of mine to read a few of mine a couple years ago. It was cruel and inhuman. It's like asking a best-friend to lance something nasty. No-no-no-no-no!

But I should point out I adore poetry. Good poetry. Oh and I like mine as well.

I like poetry and I've jotted down a few for family/friends but I'm not very good at it so I steer clear.
I'm glad you were honest with your friend, regardless of the results. I know that was probably pretty hard but in the long run, it might help more than you think. =]

What I like about this post is that the person asked for your opinion.

And sometimes you get what you ask for!

LexiconLuvr, everyone should write poetry. Poetry doesn't have to be good to be personally powerful. But really! Stopping total strangers and forcing them to listen to your thoughts on Halloween/lakes/toenails is a bit much.

Janelle, amazingly enough the H.A. wanted a second dose of honesty and I just couldn't, wouldn't, do it. I may be learning wisdom in my old age. Maybe.

Sooooo, Jami, is this why I haven't heard back on my manuscript? (You asked to read it, as I recall . . . I'm trying not to get paranoid, here . . .)

Dude, Jami gets to read your manuscript?! Way to go, Jami!

At the risk of revealing myself for the trash-novel reading Queen Geek that I am, there is a scene in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" where an evil alien actually tortures his victims by reading really bad poetry at them. The only thing that saves the victims is that one of them is an earthling, whose home planet, sadly, is known throughout the galaxy as the source of the WORST poetry in existence. So he was immune, so to speak.

Enjoyed this immensely.

Hi Hei! No paranoia required. So far I really like it. I've just been a wee bit busy and a whole lot flakey.

LexLuv--I know! Yay me!

DaNae, I love it! (You can't hurt me: I've heard worse rhymes than that!) If I'm ever captured by aliens I will be so grateful for my H.A.

How funny that it won a contest, but MUCH edited, I assume?

What?!? Jami get's a copy and I don't?!?!

I don't mind editing but I usually tell people up front that I'm harsh. I absolutely hated it in college when people would hand my papers back with a "This was very nice" on it. Argh! Give me some real feedback already!

So when people ask I tell them I'm not nice when it comes to editing. Then they are at least fore-warned.

Heatherlyn, everyone who sends them a poem and $40.00 wins their contest. The winners buy their mom, their MIL, their cranky nay-saying acquaintance a copy of the book for $40.00 a piece. It's quite a legal and ingenious scam. Many of the self-publishing companies are also set up to take advantage of the less-talented.

Eowyn, nag. It worked for me. "Pleeease, Heidi, pleeeeease. I promise I'll be helpful. Pleeeeease!" So I think she was stuck between filing a restraining order or sending me the manuscript. She kindly chose the latter. ;)

Oh no. I totally would have done the same thing.

And OF COURSE it would turn out this way...winning a contest! Oh no...

I really enjoy poetry. My hubby not so much. I promise I will never force you to read mine or ask for any critique, ever! I have learned a lesson from you, never, ever accept poetry from someone to proofread or anything else. Check.

Never accept, but always feel free to ask. That is now my motto. I've really enjoyed reading the things I've asked to read.

ACK! I just wrote the best comment ever and it disappeared into the ether. :( I give up.

Hi, Heidi, and thanks for coming to my blog to explain about comment moderation -- unfortunately the glitch that ate my comment (which was a long one talking about various encounters with bad poetry and fiction) wasn't caused (I don't think) by comment moderation but was something that happens to me once in a while when the internet freezes just after I hit "post comment" and everything I typed is lost. Maybe it's a sign that I should make my own post on my blog about bad poetry and fiction -- except for that the perpetrators of the poetry and fiction might see the post on my blog and get their feelings hurt, but they aren't likely to see my comment on your blog. :)

(Anyway, it's all good -- another day, another comment.)

yourimaginaryblog, I'm so sad. I wanted to read your best comment ever!