Bitten By The Bug Of Perfectionism  

Posted by Heidi in

I’m not blogging at the present time in spite of this post you’re even now reading (you are reading this, right?) However, my contract with BlogHer requires me to post once a week. I had pretty much decided to get rid of the ads but then I GOT PAID. It’s only the second time I've seen money in the eight months I’ve had ads in my blog and it was mere pennies. Yet. Pennies do add up to dollars (should you leave them in your hand long enough to accumulate. Woe is me.) So, now I’m waffling (and blogging). (Plus, Lisa asked me to post once in a while and say how things are going here at the Hellevator and I really should do as she asks as well as link to her as often as possible since she is one of the half dozen or so people required to teach me how to link to stuff.) (True story.)

Meanwhile, I am re-evaluating the whole blogging thing (which isn't to say you should). However, the thought of never blogging again makes me feel panicky. Yet, the thought of blogging at the same level I was before makes me feel panicky. In fact, every scenario I can think of in between makes me feel panicky. The only time I feel calm is when I don’t think about it at all. I’m such a mass of insecurities.

However, I must say, blogging has taught me much! For example . . .

1. I’m not terribly funny when my blood sugar is low.
2. Eating lots of sugar in order to be funny (or to even attempt it) makes your rear fat.

3. Ditto for sitting at the computer all day long.
4. No matter how good you (think you) are there is always room for improvement.

5. Inspiration always seems to strike when your hands are covered with chicken fat or are melting chocolate or engaging in any other equally inconvenient activity. (I am so making lunch as we so-to-speak.)
6. (Most) children are wayyyyyyyyyy capable of “getting it themselves” (Big Guy excluded).
7. It’s possible for children to learn to despise technology (as long as they think you love it more than them).
8. Houses do not clean themselves. Not even sometimes. (Talk about inflexible!)

Meanwhile, things are looking up. The Middle Child is feeling better (thanks so much for all of your prayers--do you think now you can step it up and pray that she starts smiling once in a while? Thanks!) . . .

***********Middle School Graduation Day for the "I AM smiling!" Middle Child**************
. . . my new meds are kicking in, and things are getting done! The last of the annuals are all planted, all of the blog contest giveaway items are PACKED UP and holding their collective breath until they get to go for a ride in the car to the post office AND I am 1,400 words away from reaching my goal for MD2 (though it’s going to take more like 6,000 to finish the story. Miss D must have her day!) (Click "her day" to see Ginny's wedding dress . . .)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at Wednesday, June 17, 2009 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

38 wise, witty and wonderful comments

I have gotten to the point where I am only blogging once to twice a week. I used to feel panicky like you, but then I realized that it's not a big deal. Lives go on.

Hang in there!

June 17, 2009 at 4:35 PM

Good to see you back! Life is busy and crazy, and we all have ebbs and flows. Congrats on having the end of MD2 within sight!

June 17, 2009 at 4:43 PM

I hate that panicky feeling no matter what. I am with you and just trying not to really think about it right now. Someday perhaps. Anything you feel you should do, is not fun.

Glad to hear things are good with MC. I hate that sugar makes your rear bigger.

June 17, 2009 at 4:47 PM

Heidi, don't stop blogging! You scatter so much sunshine (and laughs) with your blog you'll be missed terribly. Just take extended breaks. I just took one, or rather I'm on one. It's been refreshing. I actually want to blog again. Maybe. :-)

June 17, 2009 at 5:01 PM

When I was on my trip and felt compelled to blog daily I got panicky, but my usual schedule of twice a week is doable for me. The main time zapper is all the reading, which I have narrowed down.

Glad your pretty girl is feeling better. Maybe you could come back to Utah and fix me. LOL

June 17, 2009 at 5:02 PM

I'm glad your daughter is feeling better. I think that people should post whenever they feel like it and catch up on others blogs whenever they feel like it. No pressure! But there are a few bloggers who I would miss if they stopped posting altogether. That seems extreme. I hope that you never go to the extreme and stop posting altogether. Even if someone made a post once a week it would be nice. Not too much. Not too little. :) And if someone wants to post more often then they should do that too!

June 17, 2009 at 5:10 PM

Heids, you know how I love your blog but I don't want you to feel panicky. I want you to feel happy. I'm lucky enough to stalk you by email should you choose to stop but all the same, you ought to know that I love your blog. You're witty, hilarious, and oh-so-wonderful. I'd miss it.
You should also know that I'll support you 100% in whatever is best for you. (The email helps. Lots!)

I'm happy to see you again. (and the MC is very, very beautiful. She looks a lot like you!) I'm glad things are going better for her. I'm still praying and the smiling thing will come in time. I'm so glad you're there for her. What a wonderful, wonderful mom you are. My love to you and your family.

June 17, 2009 at 5:22 PM

I'm so happy to see you again.
I'm going through a bit of a bloggy crisis myself...
I like that you're willing to share what you're doing and some of your conclusions.
And HEY! what mew meds are you on? I could use a little something to help my things get done!

June 17, 2009 at 5:26 PM

Heidi, she just looks beautiful whther she smiles or not. Sometimes it is really hard to find your own bliss much less just to be content. I wish you the very best, and I would still read you if you just wrote tacky limericks all day long.

June 17, 2009 at 7:18 PM

You guys are making me weep (happy tears, of course!)

June 17, 2009 at 7:20 PM

I was stupid and signed up for 5 days. Lucky you that you only have to post once!

I wonder if I can re do that now?


You daughter is beautiful!

June 17, 2009 at 7:34 PM

I'm totally reading, and I'm glad you're at least giving a little update. Not meant to cause more pressure but I do love hearing squeaks and peeps every now and then.

So with ya on the inspiration comes at crazy times stuff. Loved the covered in chicken fat. Just today in fact...

Hooray for being close to Miss D getting her day. I bet she'd be proud of ya. :)

June 17, 2009 at 7:38 PM

Perfectionism-grrrrr! Don't let it get to you!

You are awesome! I'm glad that your daughter is doing better and if you everfind a self-cleaning house, PLEASE tell me!!!

June 17, 2009 at 8:46 PM

I hear you. Every word. I've hit a little wall myself. I could never quit blogging entirely, but I can't keep spending so much time with it because I've got dreams to realize.

June 17, 2009 at 8:46 PM

It's nice to hear from you, Miss Heidi. I'm glad the Hellevator is on the ascent!

June 17, 2009 at 9:35 PM

Your daughter is GORGEOUS! Holy crap! Not that I expected anything less from a classy, good-looking lady like yourself.

Glad you are alive and kicking still. Oh, and I am thinking about getting a Rosie robot (from the Jetsons) since I too have learned that houses don't clean themselves. CRAP!

June 17, 2009 at 9:38 PM

I just used the word crap twice. Am I on the Hellevator too?

June 17, 2009 at 9:38 PM

Middle Child is SO your child - both beautiful!

Don't let blogging stress you out - I'm cutting WAY back (can't get any computer time these days anyway) and the anxiety attacks are getting fewer and further between... We're happy to hear from you once a week - hey, we're happy to hear from you twice daily, but once a week gives me just enough to survive until Miss D 2 :)

June 17, 2009 at 9:49 PM

Congrats to the MC on the middle school graduation. Lovely photo of the lovely girl. Don't stress about the whole blogging thing. Maybe you can write when the spirit moves you, but keep a few posts on hold so that you can maintain the one post a week deal.

June 17, 2009 at 10:10 PM

I'm SO glad you're such an obedient person! :) I think panicky and blogging should never mix. I have 4 blog posts in my head and have for maybe three weeks, but I DO NOT FEEL LIKE TYPING THEM UP, so I don't. But I'm getting a little annoyed with myself and realize I should really post again SOME day. I'm glad you found motivation to keep blogging at least a little, because we'd miss you. (thanks BlogHer! Thanks Lisa! :)

And as I started reading down your list I started at number 2 to make a mental note of telling you how funny I thought some of them were, but realized they all are funny, or at least TOTALLY true.

I'm so glad you and your daughter are both doing better! I'm sure she'll be smiling soon. . .

June 18, 2009 at 1:14 AM

Oh, AND I finally ordered your book! I'm SO excited! It'll be at my sister's by the time I get there in less than a week! I'm trying to decide if I should waste reading it on the plane ride back home or enjoy it once I get back, when I can be eating treats of my choice and ignoring children while I read (I really love that). . .

June 18, 2009 at 1:17 AM

I know there are a bunch of us that would be thrilled to guest post, if that would be helpful.

I'm so glad things are getting better!

June 18, 2009 at 4:55 AM

I think we all get to points where blogging is more of a chore than something we do cuz it's fun. Take your time getting back I say. That's why we have google reader-so we know as soon as you are back and can rush over to be a part of your life again:)

June 18, 2009 at 7:44 AM

ONLY twice a week, Kristina?
And she is the first commentor on everyone's blog.
You, also, make the rounds quite well. I get overwhelmed and leave everything half done, including blogging. You sound very productive, in comparison.

June 18, 2009 at 10:03 AM

I always tell my art students, "When it feels like a chore, stop." I think it applies to the art of blogging as well. Not to stop altogether, of course, but to take a break until you WANT to do it again.

So glad to hear the update, that things are on the upswing, and that the hellevator is on its way back up!

Will pray for smiles!

Love you --

June 18, 2009 at 10:26 AM

So glad to hear your daughter is doing well. She's lovely.

June 18, 2009 at 12:16 PM

I'm there on the panicky stuff.

I'm a little addicted to blogging and wouldn't be able to walk away from it completely, either, at least not right now in my life. But balancing blogging with writing my novel (which often gets pushed to the backburner) is painful to experience. Ahhh, I'm still trying to find a balance!

June 18, 2009 at 4:17 PM

I love the dress! :)

Your daughter is quite pretty even when she is solemn.

I miss your posts, but I'm posting so rarely myself that I don't have room to talk!

June 18, 2009 at 11:27 PM

Heidi, it is so good to hear from you! You sound so wonderfully busy and the picture of your daughter is so beautiful. I look forward to your post next week!

June 19, 2009 at 9:17 AM

Seems everyone has a harder time blogging this time of year. We miss you, but understand completely! :)

June 19, 2009 at 10:15 AM

She's beautiful... Hope you enjoy some relaxation this weekend. :)

June 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Do what you need to do! Don't feel panicky, we'll be happy when you post, and not upset when you don't! I promise!

p.s. Loved the dress! Whoooey!

June 21, 2009 at 3:51 PM

I'm so glad your daughter is doing better...and I hope you are able to feel less stress about blogging this summer. Blog when you feel like. Don't when you don't. I know I'll be on the computer a lot less often - and hopefully lots will understand if that's the case for you too! Take care!!

June 21, 2009 at 6:44 PM

HI MISS HEIDI! Surprise!!! I'm baaaaack!

Thanks for you sweet email. I hope all is well for you. I am so happy you are that close to finishing MISS D. II.

I can totally relate and understand your blogging dilemma. I feel you, sista!


June 22, 2009 at 12:52 PM

Your daughter looks just like you. She's beautiful!

June 22, 2009 at 12:53 PM

I'm so glad you're back! I've missed you! The to blog or not to blog thing is a challenge. I think if it's something that brings you happiness (although stress of course is a natural partner because it's something you have to produce vs. something falling from the sky) that you should go for it. If you haven't missed it at all during the last few weeks then that says something too...

June 22, 2009 at 4:12 PM

The BlogHer money is so little, isn't it? I don't know what I was expecting, but obviously more than I got!

June 23, 2009 at 4:35 PM

Can I just say Hooray for the end of middle school? How much did middle school suck? I can't be the only one that feels that way, can I? Ugh..I hated it. You couldn't PAY me to go back to that time in my life. Hopefully her outlook on life improves. At any rate, she's gorgey.

June 25, 2009 at 7:01 PM

Post a Comment