My Favorite Joke And Yours  

Posted by Heidi in

There once was a preacher who realized he was boring his congregation. One day he saw a sign advertising a seminar for preachers who had lost their sparkle and decided that he would give it a try. The teacher of the class, also a preacher, suggested a great joke for faithful men everywhere and it went like this. “All of my life I have lain in the arms of only two women.” Well, this certainly got the preacher’s attention. The punch line went: “My wife and my mother!” The preacher thought this was hilarious and decided it would be a great joke for him to use in his next sermon.

The happy day arrived and the preacher stood at the pulpit and faced his audience. He felt a little nervous about telling the joke but decided to forge ahead. “All of my
life, I have lain in the arms of only two women!” This certainly got the attention the preacher had hoped for. In fact, people seemed rather startled and it made him so nervous that he became a bit discombobulated. As he looked around the room noting the looks of anticipation on the faces of the congregation, he said, “One of them was my wife, and . . . darn it! I can’t remember who the other one was!”

(The above is my favorite joke, probably because it was told to me by my 82 year old father who has heard every joke ever written (about 81 times). It isn’t often that a joke impresses him but he laughed so hard telling this one, we were both in tears before he even got to the punch line. For months afterwards, all I had to do was think of that last line and I laughed until I cried. In other words, if you didn’t find it terribly funny, I don’t care. He’s my father, dang it, and he’s 82 years old!)

Here are the best jokes sent by my faithful readers. You know—the ones who really care. (JK. Actually, they don’t really care, either.) (JK) (For reals this time) (And thanks so much for the loving emails and virtual hugs and the insistence that you would bring/send chocolate cake if only you lived closer/had any kind of will-power at all whatsoever.)

P.S. No, we did not dress up like vampires for our engagement picture or for any other occasion except for Halloween of 1982. (In point of fact, I lied.) (gasp!) The next year we went as Pinkie and Blue Boy.

From Becky at Scripture Mom: A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Wow! Where did you get him?" The parrot says, "Well, there's millions of them in Paris."


From Wendy Kae at Baxter and the Bonz': California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as "Pino More". (I heard it through the grapevine!)

From Sabrina at Superfluous: A Dolphin goes to visit a fortune teller and asks: Can you please tell me my Porpoise in life?

From Melanie J. at Write Stuff: What goes “ha, ha, ha, ha, thunk!”? A man laughing laughing his head off.

From Kim of Temporary?Insanity: "I was working in Seattle, where it's constantly overcast. When I looked up the five-day weather forecast on AOL, it said, "Duh." - Frances Dilorinzo

And the winner is . . .from Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary: “I think you look really beautiful in the vampire picture in your last post.” (Give her a virtual round of applause people b/c, clearly, she’s hysterical!)

(Both my daughter and I are feeling much better and I am pretty sure it has to be the prayers, because, let's face it, the jokes just aren’t that great.) (In other words, an extra big thank you for the prayers!)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 at Wednesday, June 03, 2009 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

40 wise, witty and wonderful comments

I love that preacher joke :D

Oh man, financial stress is a real beitch, isn't it! Glad you're feeling better :)

June 3, 2009 at 1:35 PM

These are all great jokes. Except for the last one. You did look beautiful in the vampire picture. I sure do love Heather of the EO anyway.

I am glad you are finally feeling better.

June 3, 2009 at 2:59 PM

Love both the preacher joke and the wine joke. I will be adding those to my repertoire. Hope you are feeling better today!

June 3, 2009 at 3:31 PM

I loved the parrot one. That's my kind of humor:)

June 3, 2009 at 3:33 PM

Hee hee hee! Can't stop laughing! Good job everyone!

June 3, 2009 at 3:35 PM

Heidi,

So sorry you have been sick. I havent been around much because I have been sick myself and am still recovering.

These jokes were great! My dad being a pastor will get a godd kick out of them!

Love and Prayers,

Tim

June 3, 2009 at 3:46 PM

I think your dad's joke is very funny! And I love that image of you guys in tears over laughter. That's got to be one of my favorite things of all time - laughing so hard I'm crying!

June 3, 2009 at 4:04 PM

Thanks for the emotional boost! I am not a good joke teller, but I love reading jokes from other people.

I am sorry things have been so tough at your house. I am glad the prayers are working.

June 3, 2009 at 4:10 PM

So happy to hear that your faith is sufficient to be healed (or at least on the road to healing). Asking people to pray for one is humbling, but also a charitable act.

Your Dad's joke reminded me of the "You're the father of one of my children" joke. Why are we all so quick to make a bad assumption?

June 3, 2009 at 4:10 PM

I love that forecast one. Ha, ha!

June 3, 2009 at 4:15 PM

I loved your dad's joke! I'm going to tell it to my hubby right now!!!

June 3, 2009 at 4:51 PM
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June 3, 2009 at 4:52 PM

Great joke! I don't remember jokes long after I hear them, so I can't pass on a favorite right now . . .

June 3, 2009 at 5:39 PM

These were so funny! Thanks for the laugh tonight!

June 3, 2009 at 6:39 PM

THAT WASN'T A JOKE!!!!

I SAID THAT WASN'T A JOKE!!!

CALLING IT A JOKE IS THE JOKE, YOU GOOF!!!!


I win, I win!!! :)

June 3, 2009 at 6:46 PM

Thanks for sharing the laughs. Those were great!

Glad to hear you're doing better. . .

June 3, 2009 at 6:46 PM

well it made me laugh!

June 3, 2009 at 9:04 PM

These were great. I forgot to send you my favorite joke -- can I tell it right here or do I have to send it? I'm not good at patience so I'll tell it now:

An engineer comes home at four in the morning with his hair tousled, lipstick on his collar, and reeking of alcohol and cheap perfume. He tells his wife, "Honey, let me explain. After work I went out to a bar with some of the guys, we had some drinks and met some women, and one thing led to another. I'm terribly sorry and it will never happen again." His wife shrieks: "Liar! You were at the lab all night!"

(That's actually my second-most favorite joke, but I don't think I can tell my favorite joke on someone's blog.)

P.S. Yes, my husband is an engineer.

June 3, 2009 at 9:07 PM

~snigger~ That joke is great!

Glad things are looking up again!

June 3, 2009 at 9:14 PM

Loved the forecast one.

The parrot one reminded me that I saw a guy taking his parrot for a walk yesterday in our neighborhood. I just told my husband and he asked if that was supposed to "mean" something....hahahaha!!!

June 3, 2009 at 10:18 PM

I love your dad's joke. Love it. I also love when the person telling the joke is laughing so hard they can't get it out. And when you are laughing like crazy with them before anything funny's been said. Seriously, those are some of my favorite things.

So glad you're doing better!

June 3, 2009 at 11:13 PM

I join in the gladfest that you are feeling better. Glad the jokes made you smile.

June 4, 2009 at 12:48 AM

LOL! very funn post! thanks and glad you are feeling better

June 4, 2009 at 7:20 AM

I was jsut about crying over that joke too. SO FUNNY!! :)

June 4, 2009 at 7:34 AM

You are funny. And entertaining. I'm glad that you and your daughter are feeling better. Hopefully, it will take. :)

June 4, 2009 at 9:08 AM

Thanks everyone for your comments--we're getting down to D-day for the Middle Child and her particular issue--things took a big turn for the worse last night . . aiiieeeee! Thanks so much for all your love and support! LY all!

June 4, 2009 at 9:28 AM

Send my love to the middle child. I really like her. Her mom too actually.

Thanks for the jokes. I needed the smiles.

June 4, 2009 at 1:57 PM

Yikes, so sorry that things took a turn for the worse. Hang in there!

June 4, 2009 at 2:24 PM

So glad you're feeling better, and thanks for sharing the giggles/groans with us. ~hugs~

June 4, 2009 at 4:28 PM

hee hee

June 5, 2009 at 9:50 AM

Heidi, Love --
I've been thinking about you every day this week and trying to find a minute to click on over, but have been completely submerged in deadlines. What did I miss? Are you guys okay over there?

Sorry, I don't have a good joke for you, but it sounds like you got plenty.

If it makes you feel better, a comment you left on Heather of the EO's site made me laugh out loud (about 30 seconds ago).

June 5, 2009 at 4:24 PM

I loved that preacher joke. Why don't jokes like that stick in my head? I would love to have a handy joke like that that really is funny!

But alas, not going to happen.

June 5, 2009 at 6:38 PM

PS I miss Jeeves!

June 5, 2009 at 6:39 PM

I know it is too late to enter my fave, but it has to be the one from The Office this past season...

Dwight: Knock, knock
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: Zee KGB.
Michael: The KGB..... (smack from Dwight)
Dwight: Vee Vill ask da Qvestions!

June 5, 2009 at 8:46 PM

WOW... that preacher joke was AWESOME! I've never heard that before!!!

Thanks for this post... made me smile... okay and laugh my head off, but it didn't go THUNK... it went SPLAT! There is nothing in there right now!

June 5, 2009 at 9:54 PM

I'm not sure what I enjoyed more, the post or the exchange between your commenters. Both made me laugh...especially Heather...trying to explain what she was originally saying and then being excited she won.

Hope all is going well for you Heidi..."for reals." :)

-Francesca

June 6, 2009 at 6:31 AM

Ok, so I missed the deadline. I sent you some comics.

But this is probably my all-time favorite joke:

What happened to the frog when his car broke down?

...

...

...

He got toad.


I hang out with children. *ahem*

June 7, 2009 at 8:56 AM

Heather is a riot! I love that you are messing with her.

June 7, 2009 at 2:11 PM

I love your dad just from hearing that. Hilarious!

I don't know what you're going through. I must have missed it, but I hope all is well now. I just hate having to go through stuff. Sucks, don't it?

June 10, 2009 at 11:50 AM

Well I don't have a really good joke, you'll have to ask my dad or my grandpa for that. But I have a fabulous flourless chocolate cake recipe that will make you forget about all your cares for at least 5 minutes.

This is from Paula Dean:
8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
8 oz. dark chocolate
2 cubes butter
1 1/4 c. sugar
6 eggs, separated

Put some parchment paper in the bottom of a springform pan, spray with cooking spray.
Melt the chocolate and the butter together in a microwave safe bowl, in 30 second incriments. Once melted and smooth, whisk in sugar. Add egg yokes, one at a time, stirring after each one. Beat egg white until firm peaks form, fold egg whites into chocolate mixture. Pour into prepared springform pan, bake at 325 for about 50 minutes.
Let cool for about 1 hour, then refrigerate for 4 hours before removing the sides of the pan.
The cake will fall, but it is supposed to. And you will LOVE it. At least you will if you love chocolate.

When my mom made this for grandpa, they put ice cream and pudding over the top, and nearly fell over with pure delight over the super sweet goodness.

So enjoy!
xoxox

June 10, 2009 at 10:38 PM

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