Some have asked about the symbolism in my last post’s poem. Others have commented on the last line as being their favorite. (It’s mine, too.) We all live in boxes, the boundaries set either by circumstances, obligations, finances, schedules, rules, the expectations of others, what we expect of ourselves, how we define ourselves and how we are defined by others, our place in a family, society or organization, the country we live in, the home we live in, the body we live in or the people with whom we live.

When boxes get too small, there are struggles to escape. I experience a lot of pain in my life because many of my boxes are too small, yet, when I try to get out of the tightest ones, sooner or later, I get hit with a “shoe” (usually it’s sooner than later but the ones that come later hurt more). The “other shoe” that always drops at some point is the fall-out or consequences of my attempt to flee a particular box. It seems to me (when I’m feeling down) that there is always one in wait to beat me back into my box—whatever box it is—causing me either physical, mental or emotional pain—or all three--in the process. It makes me quite gun-shy, paranoid, even full of anxiety. There are times when I am scared to leave a box, as tiny as it is, because the thought of doing so or even thinking outside of it is asking for trouble.

I was having a terrible fibromyalgia attack the night I wrote the poem so the comments from those who felt they could really relate to that kind of physical pain mean a lot to me. Plus, it had been YEARS since I wrote a poem, something that used to be my number one choice of expression, and it was lovely to get such positive feedback. Thank you.

On a lighter note, those who want a crack at this gorgeous fabric can find it, as well as some other fun auctions HERE. Feel no obligation. I have no wish to put you in a box. Have a lovely day!

Pain—it curls,
hidden away like a spider in my mind, my heart, my muscles,
and unfurls
its legs like tentacles the moment I stop looking for it.
Like the other shoe
it drops, landing me a glancing blow and I, having had
no clue
it was so near, lay devastated by the sting of its heel to my forehead.
I try to prevent
the pain as much as possible; am most often a bystander in life so as
to circumvent
the burning that always finds me/flays me in the end.
Often I tire
even of the standing and run like mad through
hoops on fire
if only to feel a different kind of pain.
In time
I can’t outrun it and the shoes chase after me
to remind
that pain is my lot in life and will follow me wherever I go.
Bleeding
On the side of the road, I watch as the cars drive by ever so slowly,
not speeding
but not stopping long enough to be of service.
The shoes
can’t be bothered. They have important unfettered things
to do
and drive on, sure I have done something to deserve it.
My sin:
a longing to be included, to participate
fully in
life but the shoes are too busy clobbering me to listen.

They like me best, beaten and unresisting, in the box.

The very chair I am now sitting in to compose this post . . .(it's the most comfy seat in the house and I'm not just saying that because it is littered with roses) (but that helps). I haven't been sitting in it much lately--in fact, some days I barely turn on my computer at all. Summer vacation is winding down to a close and I have been milking every second of it. For instance, the other day we went to visit, for the very first time, a lovely little town called Benicia here in the San Francisco East Bay Area.

Best view . . .

Best eatery . . . Captain Blythers on First Street with a view of the water . . . it has won many awards. I had a burger with fries and no dessert. What was I thinking?

Favorite Guy (he's there on the bench somewhere . . .)

Best Boy (I can say that since he was the only boy with us at the time . . .)(and he posed for this photo, even begged that I take one of him doing whatever it is he's doing. I'm thinking I should be alarmed at his vanity but instead I can't help being tickled at his great eye for a fun photo).

Best. Moment. Ever. You know, the one when the sugar and chocolate are singing in your system while your brain tries to register the fact that you just ate a piece of chocolate cake that might, JUST MIGHT, be better than Costco's . . . (sigh . . .thank goodness Benicia is only 30 minutes away . . .)

Favorite Find. I found yards and yards of this scrumptious fabric for a STEAL in an antique store. Such happy colors! I have been busy making curtains and pillows out of it (which necessitated the purchase of a (toy) sewing machine . . . I will be offering the left-overs next week on eBay next week!)

Thanks for stopping by! Have a happy day!

Phew! I feel like I have been missing in action for WEEKS! I think I have visited only one or two blogs in the recent past (and one of them I stumbled upon only because she did a lovely review of Miss D.) Seriously, I have been doing nothing but sawing, painting, nailing and climbing up and down a ladder for days and days and DAYS on end! (I'm exaggerating, of course--I also ate and showered once or twice and managed to keep up with every second of the doings on So You Think You Can Dance. I have standards, after all.)

It's not as if I set out to completely alter my living room but when I came across a incredible headboard for cheap at a garage sale a few months ago, the wheels in my head started spinning as to how I could use it in my house. Since it was a King sized headboard and I have a lowly Queen sized bed, using it in my bedroom was out AND, though the Big Guy's size fully justifies the use of a King sized bed, he sleeps on a double which is laid low upon the floor (no box spring) so that he doesn't break anything, including his head--therefore using it in his room was out. However, after standing on a steaming hot driveway in the 105 degree heat for thirty minutes looking at said headboard from all angles, I finally came up with An Idea.

Now, the "fireplace" below is lovely and it has served as an adequate "cover" for our large screen TV for three plus years, now. The mantel was made by my talented brother-in-law as a christmas present one year to fit the carved wood piece below with the "legs" which used to be a headboard in the Breckenridge hotel in Colorado over 100 years ago and has served as a beautification to every real and actual fireplace I have had in the past twelve years (there have been three). . . (and, yes, that is a mirror hanging over a mirror. People often ask me why-- but I've got nothing).

However, I think you will agree that the mantel below has just a little more pizzazz . . . (or perhaps not).

The old mantle is now upside down on top of the newly acquired headboard, the old headboard has been cut down (by moi. With a pull saw! At great sacrifice to my comfort) and attached to the base of the newly acquired headboard which is resting on newly acquired cubicles which rest on the old cubicles (yes, things are still a bit of a mess towards the bottom--it is The Spouse's job to finish cutting up a six cubicle laminate shelf system into smaller cubicles of custom sizes and he kind of pooped out, poor fella).

All the walls have been painted to match the one that has been lonesomely green for over a year now . . .

. . . and mouldings attached to meet snugly with the corners of the headboard-turned-mantel and all with recycled, re-used, scavenged, bought-on-a-great-sale, begged-borrowed-stolen items (in other words, for next to nothing). Of course, there is still one wall left to paint, the rosette around the entryway in the above picture to be re-set (it needs to be higher and to the right), another laminate cubicle to be created, the picture rail moulding needs another coat of paint . . .in short, I need a vacation!

(If you are reading this, I feel guilty! I haven't been to your blog in ages and I sorta, kinda don't intend to until the kids/The Spouse go back to school. So, just go away quietly so that I don't know you were here and don't have to cry bitter tears of guilt into my pillow tonight.) (Did anyone else notice that I spelled mantel/mantle two different ways?)